a semi-embarrassing truth about me

Ayy Blog.
while this blogging thing is becoming a habit, I'm realizing I need to form other habits too.
Namely, the ability to realize that I don't have to be perfect at everything.


Reader, stop it. I know you're rolling your eyes.


I have it in my head that I can be perfect. I think that maybe it's possible.
Yet it never works out.

Ready for a semi-embarrassing story/fact about me?
*sigh* Here goes:


I'm unlicensed to drive.

True story.
Why on earth would any American over the age of 16 be without driving ability?


No, I'm not handicapped.
I had the skills needed to drive.
No, it's not that my parents weren't willing. 
It's not that I can't drive.
I just haven't wanted to drive. 


When I was 14, I went through driver's ed. I was a "good driver", did well on the tests, etc.
I got my permit. I was set to start learning and getting milage in.
But I had a mental block of sorts.
I had zero confidence in myself.
Why?
The thought of driving scared me. Not in a phobia-way, but just in a I'm-too-cautious way.

The weight of the potential implications that came with driving freaked me out, just a bit. I could easily kill another human with the hunk of metal I was operating. Maybe my driving class was too heavy on scaring teenagers into taking driving seriously.
We watched a few tear-jerkers in class; there was one where the kid was "just driving to school" and ended up with his car wrapped around a tree.
I also had a friend who was in a freak accident; a really bad accident.
There are countless stories in the news about dumb teenagers driving.
I didn't directly associate it with my driving, but it was there in my sub-conscious.

Also, there are oodles of bad drivers here in this suburban/city area that I live in. Having a person whip out in front of me only to slam on their brakes does nothing to ease my fears.

This is the most humiliating reason:
I couldn't trust myself.

I know most of you are well-adjusted humans and are thinking,"No one is perfect on their first try! Practice makes perfect!" {I think my readers are go-getters with a penchant for clichés...apparently}

I had it in my head that I should just have the natural ability to drive like a stunt car driver whenever I pleased.

When I fell short, I just wanted to give up.  (Unreal expectations? Story of my life.)

That's one of my biggest faults. I want to be quite perfect at everything I try my hand at-- strangely enough, life doesn't work that way.

The things I am good at have taken practice. Most of the things I am proficient in are fun, so I don't think about how much time and effort I put into becoming skilled.

So.
Much.
Practice.
You'd think I'd know by now.

So, for a while, I never asked to drive. I did practice, but most of the time, I liked being chauffeured around.


But finally the push came to shove: I had to overcome this irrational dislike of driving.

I've prayed about it; in the past few days, I have wanted to drive.
I'm ready. I have peace about it.
It just took me time to ripen and bloom.

I think it took my mom sweetly telling me, "You don't have to be perfect at driving right off. Just chillax. Don't put so much pressure on yourself."
Simple enough idea, but for me, it was an eureka moment.

 I've started to trust myself and chillax, letting myself have the option to make mistakes. Since I have allowed myself to make mistakes, weirdly enough, I've made fewer of them.
It was pretty much an overnight thing.
I've greatly improved.

SO, quite soon, I will not be a freak anomaly!

I guess it's true that a house divided against itself cannot stand.