It's been over five years since I last blogged. 

Blogs aren't really cutting edge anymore, faded to obscurity under the glitzy allure of 10 second videos and savage tweets (and, let's be honest, blogs now live on excessively long instagram posts) 

But this blog has always been for me, a corner to publicly record a few thoughts, out into the void of the roar of the internet. I was surprised I could still log in today after a long battle with Google to reclaim my High School email. 

5 years in a few sentences: 

I met an amazing man. We fell in love. I worked a really fun internship in NYC. I started graduate school. We got married. Graduate school burned me out to the point of autoimmune disease. I graduated with my masters. I was sick for a year and could only work a part time job in a chocolate factory. (What a whimsical sounding thing) I reached a point where I couldn't work at all, and didn't know if I would ever be able to do anything but heal. God did heal me through nutrition and healthy living. I started working again and asking him for direction on my life. I have a 1 year old pup, and he is the best. 

Many interesting adventures ensued, but at this point, I am nearly 30 years old, working a corporate job, with a cute pup and (still) amazing husband. 

But the pattern has continued. Work really hard. Push past my limits. Candle at both ends. Get sick. Forced rest. Repeat. 

I have become more aware of the need for rest and reflection. I have tried to implement it into my life. But yet, I still get so caught up in go go go, I love the adrenaline rush of completing tasks.

And I am coming off yet another 3-days-sick-can't-do-anything-but-be-still time. Something needs to change. I cannot continue. 

Yet, I see in the corporate world, this concept of striving, taking, growing, going. It is fuel on my already ambitious personality and to avoid a relapse, I have had to have a lot of restraint. Yet still, I get sick. I reach a place where I can only do the bare minimum in other areas of life due to the intensity of what I am doing. 

I like how the cursor flashes when you take a moment to think while writing. It is calming. I have been running at such a pace, I forget that the cursor does move like the page requires tiny breaths, like it needs a break too. 

Back to stream of consciousness writing. I've missed it, it creates some structure in my restless mind. I don't have any more answers than when I started writing, but I do have some sense of calm knowing I have shouted it into the void.