Thursday, November 29, 2012

That time where I learn not to put things off.

This week?
Oh my.
It has been a rollercoaster.

I had the most wonderful break, and then reality set in on Monday: I had a report to write.
I thought it would be a cakewalk.

No sweat, type the thing up in a few hours, submit it, and be on my merry way.

Not so. This thing was daunting.

I ended up attempting to stay up all night writing.
Once you reach a certain point...

(and realize how UTTERLY DULL your subject matter is)


If it was anything I had a passion for, I could have stayed up all night. As it was a subject most dull to me (titration) I couldn't get excited.
Because I have in the past been able to stay up all night working on projects and feel fine the next day, I thought it would be a tolerable experience.

This experience was terrible.
Pretty much the worst.

Everything within me screamed sleep, but I made myself stay awake, thinking that perhaps if I could only keep my eyes open, I would be able to write something, anything, coherent.
Sound theory.


At some point, I dozed off and woke up freaking out -- it was only an hour later. The clock read 3:30 am. I gave in to the urge to sleep, making myself wake up at 6 to try to hit the keys on my keyboard some more.

Because that's pretty much all it was: me banging on the keys.

But I survived. I MADE myself function all day Tuesday.
I was worthless.
I never want that to happen again. I felt the absolute worst I have felt in ages. It was like my brain was seriously impaired.
I hope I learned my lesson.

It was by God's grace that I was able to even write anything to submit.

SPEAKING of writing: I have exciting news.
This kinda makes my day in a strange way.
I, the girl with has little confidence in her own writing ability, am going to grade papers for a class next semester.
I am SO excited!
Proofreading (other people's work) is a favorite hobby.

Monday, November 26, 2012

listing of incoherent thought

Just one quick post.
One quick post and I'll go and be productive.

I have a few things I really need to work on, but blogging is therapeutic.
I may not be able to write a stellar lab report or paper, but at least I can write something to make me happy.

Life is rushing by at an incredible pace; terribly cliche, I know.
But it's true.

I'll be 20 in a little over a month.

20. Two DECADES.


There are so many things I should have accomplished by this point in my life.
I can't be a child genius! Missed opportunity. When you're a kid, and you say something smart or "profound", people think you're amazing.

I suppose, accomplishments are arbitrary when you look at them in the light of, well, forever.

I didn't get quite everything done that I would have liked over break, but that wasn't the point. The point of break was to just be.
I took time to appreciate the luxury of not having a thing in the world that had to be done.
It was a fantastic release. Stress melted. I was silly. I had fun.

I am pretty good at running around and doing stuff, which makes sitting still a luxury, because I can always seem to think of something I need to do.

I really don't understand people who claim to be bored. There is always something to do, ponder, create, talk about...

REALITY CHECK is Monday, and I'm realizing that I really should have been studying a little bit while on break.
But I didn't.
Oh bother. 
If you're in school, please don't follow my example.

I dreaded going back to class today.
But there was the silver lining: THE GYM
How I love that place. I can work out until my frustration and stress disappears and endorphins come to wash away stress.

Bonus of this stress-management technique: I'll probably hopefully be in great shape.

As it is, Chemistry is calling me.
Chemistry is a really needy subject.
If it were a person, and we were dating, I would have dumped it by now.
It demands so much of my time. 
It is full of theories that are both true and untrue, depending on what suits your fancy.
It can be volatile, deadly even.
It has so many silly rules and laws.
It loves naming things after dead people [morbid]. 
But if I can get along with Chemistry, life will be much better.
Because I know, deep down, that Chemistry is my bag, and it's what I'm going to major in, one way or another.

In High School, I had puppy love for the subject. But just as a relationship changes and matures out of the puppy love stage, into something deeper (though hard to handle), now is the time when I have to make this thing work out.

It isn't a picnic...

Enough incoherency for one day.
 Also, these pictures are ones I took while hiking. They also make me happy. It's fall, y'all!

Friday, November 16, 2012

Goals during the giving of thanks

I am so excited for Thanksgiving break.
I have ONE MORE DAY of classes, and then I get a blissful 5 days of vacation.
I am going to study some, of course *wink*, but I have a list of things I really want to do. {Beyond eating an insane amount of food that makes the nutrition-major in me shudder.}

  • I really want to explore a place. A town, a landscape, I'm not quite sure. But I want to take my Nikon and capture stuff on film (or a digital media card, whatever)

  • I want to play music on my uke and guitar until my fingers want to fall off.

  • I want to write and write. It's like an itch. I'll write a short story, a novel, a letter  ...I don't even know...probably a chemistry lab report will be in there somewhere...

  • I want to read a book just for fun. I have not done this in what feels like ages. This is because I do not have the self discipline to put down a book when I am totally engrossed in it. ...though my reading material will probably be about people who live in the Philippines and describe their migration patterns over time. I'll pretend that it's fun reading (yay, anthropology class)

  • I want to spend quality time with those I love. 'nuff said.

  • I want to be totally organized. While I know where things are, and I have a semblance of organization...I'd love for everything to have a nice little home and look all nice and OCD-ish. {note that I am not OCD. I am only really picky about everything being uber-tidy when I am about to be really sick. It has happened on more than one occasion, right before a bad bout of strep and also before a case of the swine flu, and before other various viruses. Perhaps my cleaning sprees are good indicator of when I'm sick. ...or maybe my body is allergic to cleaning...}

These are my goals for my short reprieve from school. Maybe they'll all happen, we shall see.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

type, type, type

I've got a serious list of to-do's.

However, I'm just sitting here.
Type, type, type.


Type, type, type.
Click, click, click.

When I look away from my computer's glowing screen, I see tasks calling out to me, competing for my attention. The tasks that will be put off until the next weekend if I don't get a move on. Seemingly trivial tasks that, if delayed, will grow into mountains of work.

I look back at the screen. Other people are putting things off too.
I'm not alone.

I'll be fine.

Type, type, type.

But I know these mountains will swallow me and I'll never be the successful, accomplished human being I'm 87% sure I can be.

But hollow excuses are rampant.

It's Sunday.
I'm sick.
I want to sleep.
I'm sick. 
My toenails need repainting.
I'm sick.
Maybe I need a snack.

And of course there is much to type, but none of it is meaningful.

Type, type, type.
Click, click, click.

I'll brew a pot of tea, grab a blanket.
I'll muster what courage I have.
Armed with index cards and highlighter, colored pens and paper.
I will conquer.
I will conquer the homework and textbooks. I will understand and comprehend.

And the other chores?

The wills must turn into do's.
It is easy to say "I will", but enormously hard to say "I did".

I can think of nothing to type save that I have much to do, and I am not doing it.

Admittance is the first step of solving a problem.

Monday, November 05, 2012

Chapter... Oh, I give up

I am failing this writing a "chapter a day" thing.


I just have suffered greatly the past few days.
And by suffer, I mean, "gone through several trivial inconveniences"
Like, Thursday night I pulled a late-nighter (3am, whee!), trying to understand psychology. As far as I can tell, it's all very silly stuff, but interesting silly stuff nonetheless.
Friday, I had an exam, a quiz, and a paper due.
I also spent four hours sitting in the library intensely studying chemistry.

Saturday, I went to one of the saddest football games.
It was HOMECOMING GAME for my school. I had even gotten my dad a ticket to come with me.
I was excited.

Third quarter? We were actively letting the other team win.
And it's not like the other team was that good. My team had beat the second ranked team in the ACC just a few weeks before.
At the end of the third quarter the score was ZERO-26 
We left at that point.

I think the final score was 6-33.
All I got from that game was a sunburn and a bad attitude.
[Though the band was nice and it was good to spend time with my daddy.]

I've had a head cold all week, but it came back strong Saturday night.
Sunday I stayed home. I felt like crum.

I studied some more.

Today I was thankful for daylight saving time. When I woke up, the sun was creeping up too!

It's so much nicer than waking in the middle of the night.

Also, I am still sick.

As I wandered from lecture to lecture today, I had a strange craving.
All I could think of was how nice it would be to be wearing a soft fuzzy, warm, sweatshirt. I was wearing "normal clothes". They were comfortable enough, but not at the sweatshirt level of comfort.

I even thought about buying the 60-some-odd-dollar sweatshirt they sell in the bookstore.  I didn't, but it would have been worth it.
I wanted a sweatshirt bad.

It sounds weird, but that thought was like a serious craving. I was at the point of not caring at all about my appearance. I wanted a sweatshirt and a cup of something hot. Tea, cocoa, coffee, whatever.
And possibly a blanket.
Throw in some good music.
Maybe even *GASP* if it were possible, a NON-school book. A just-for-fun book. I haven't read one of those in a while.

I was like the little mouse like that book, "if you give a mouse a cookie".

The thoughts kept me going.
Now I have my sweatshirt and hot tea.

ANND My reading book is:
*drumroll* textbooks.
You can't have everything, gotta keep those goals realistic.

Thursday, November 01, 2012

Chapter 1.

As you may know, November is National Novel Writing Month.

I would love to participate, but sadly, life is a little too busy for me to focus my attention on novel-writing.
I don't know that I'd be good at it. Novels are quite different from blog posts.

I am good at typing whatever pops into my head, which is okay for blogging, but not okay for a book. It would be much too jumpy and incoherent, I'm afraid. Writing details isn't always my favorite.

I could play off of that famous Thoreau quote:

"My life is the poem novel I would have writ,

But I cannot both live and utter it.

...I can only blog it."

Plus, I don't know if I could actually write a story. ...actually figuring out a plot? Hrmm.

Okay, okay, I do have some good ideas. Way far-fetched, but as there are so many aspiring writers out there, I am sure they've already been written and novelized.

...and no, I'm not sharing them.  Just in case they haven't been taken.

Also, I recently discovered there is something crazy that actually exists: "fan fiction". It's exactly what it sounds like: writing fiction about something you're a fan of.  Defined by the interwebs:
"Amateur fiction set in universes and using the characters created by other people in television shows, movies and books."
I'm not sure how to respond to that sort of behavior.

It's... interesting.

But really, good for those people writing. At least they're following their dreams and writing something. Adding to and playing off the original author/creator's ideas.


Perhaps I will try to blog something every day in November. It's a start.

I'll have 30 posts CHAPTERS of...whatever it is I decide to write about.

ALSO, the only valuable thing I'm really saying in this whole post: my favorite musician at the moment is Mat Kearny -- such good studying music.

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