Sunday, January 04, 2015

not resolutions pt 1

It is a new year! Time for that resolution list!

Personally, I feel that resolutions are silly things to make. With the start of the new year everyone does reflect back and think of ways to further improve before jumping back into the whirlwind that is life. Call me a hipster for not wanting to call these planned directions "resolutions", buuuut I'm not calling these things resolutions. These are things that I am going to actively work to improve upon for my well-being indefinitely.

So, during the winter break, I've taken time to assess myself. I've looked at how I engage with work, school, myself, friends, family...and I've realized a few things. As humbling as this is to type out, I know I will be glad to someday (hopefully!) see the progress and steps I've been taking towards becoming a better human. I'll just hit on one giant tender area in this post.

*deep breath* okherewego

LOVE.

"Love your neighbor as yourself"
This line came to mind repeatedly yesterday morning as I was taking some time to reflect and pray.
Sometimes verses pop to mind and play in my head over and over like a broken record.

"Love your neighbor as yourself"
I've been realizing I am so unkind and unloving to myself. If I treated others the way I treat myself, I would have no friends. I always find faults. When others compliment me, I realize that I usually shoot them down (I've realized this is SO rude, I don't like it when people do that to me, why on earth would I think my friends are ok with me not accepting the nice things they say?) Nothing I do measures up to my own standard. I see all the "blaring" things that should be tweaked, be it my body image, the level of academics, even silly things like hobbies...it's a never-ending list. I nitpick and find errors in everything I do. I hang on to mistakes I make. It's perfectionism, and it's not healthy. It leads to those stressful situations I've blogged about before.

This is no way to live. Depressed because I don't live up to my own arbitrary standards?
This must change.
I should reevaluate what my standards are and who I let give me validity. My validity should not come from me or any human (though I do need to accept myself), but my validity comes first from God himself. He says that he loves me, and therefore I should love everyone (including me). He says that I am his creation.

Part of my moving forward plans (*ahem* not resolution) is to focus more on those validations rather than what I perceive.

Beyond even the treatment of others, this made me realize, if I cannot accept myself, warts and all, how can I fully be able to accept others just as they are?

This fight against my negative flaw-seeking mentality will not be an easy one. But by making small changes in my perceptions and with God's help, I hope to reshape my views and become a more loving, gracious person.

It's cliche, but 1 Corinthians 13 is how I hope to treat everyone, including myself:
I strive to:

  • be patient
  • be kind
  • not envious
  • not boastful
  • not rude
  • keep no records of wrongs 






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