forced rest.

Whenever I am sick, I become incredibly pensive.

...aaand I'm sick.

I'm sitting here with a glazed expression while my mind is churning. This cold has been growing for the past few days, and I've been trying a special method: the method of ignoring it.
...I'm learning quite literally that ignoring a problem doesn't really mean that it goes away. It's just made it worse.

Sickness is almost a blessing in that it forces one to slow down. Stop the madness of the scheduling, the homework, the work.
Stop it all and... lay in bed wishing to feel better.

I'd much prefer I was lazy by choice.

I'm notoriously a "never say no" person:

You need a co-chair? That's totally me. 
You need someone to lead this group? I'm your girl. 
You just need a volunteer for an event? No problem.
You need me to pick up an extra shift? Sure!

I have been realizing the downsides of being the yes girl. I'm realizing that maybe I shouldn't spread myself so thinly over life. But then again, what about carpe diem? What about making the most of every opportunity?

Recently I did turn down an opportunity.
I felt it was a pretty big step. It was hard, because it was an interesting lab and project to help with. I could have maybe squeezed it into my already-full schedule, but I knew if I had taken on the responsibility of being a research assistant in multiple labs, I would be absolutely miserable and I wouldn't do the best job.

I'm already a volunteer for a food science lab and TA-ing.

But wait, there's more!

 I've got a job lined up in October to work on HPLC in a biotechnology lab. And it's going to be a paid position (rare for an undergraduate position). I'm very thankful. So incredibly thankful, and I can't wait to learn and work with all of the shiny expensive equipment. To add to the blessing, it also doesn't start right away, giving me time to get into the rhythm of the semester.


One of my stress-management techniques is list-making. Mapping out the day, the week, the month. There's great comfort in knowing what's ahead. I like to plan and have a general idea of what's going to happen. But sometimes the lists almost hinder and I find myself engulfed in the trenches of the commitments I've made. I feel almost swallowed by the never ending list of to-be-dones, sometimes I lose sight of the meaning of life, the point.

Why am I even here?

What's the point?

Why do all of this?

As a Christian, my goal is Christ. My aim is to serve and please Him.
It is imperative for me to keep this in mind. 
My goal isn't a high GPA (though I strive to do my best).
My goal isn't to be the perfect teacher's assistant.
My goal isn't to be successful in the research/academic world. Or to be the ideal student/worker/human.
My goal isn't to just have fun while I can.

It's to live each day as it comes.

To live each day is to rest in the security that God won't give me more than He can handle and that He will give me the strength and discernment to get through all of this.
It's to delight in the blessings He gives -- be they big or small.
It's to appreciate the opportunities I have and grow to know God better.

I have a hard time keeping some of this in mind when I'm struggling with oligosaccharide chemistry and benzene ring EAS.

I write this post out to remind myself.
I need reminders that there's so much more than the present, but that I'm also supposed to live in the present.

I have much to update this blog with, but though I am sick, I have a stack of homework with my name and impending due dates. What joy!