I have not kept up this blog very well. I have posted PLENTY on my other blog. You know, the AFRICA one.
When I was in Africa, I couldn't get enough of it.
Before I left Burundi, I made a joke of using the adjective "African" before pretty much everything. I was soaking in the most of Africa I could.
I'm pretty sure Whitney (the other volunteer I was with the last month of my stay) thought I was too silly.
Me: "Well, here I am sitting under the african sun, on the african grass, drinking african soda. How about we go to walk on the african path and meet up with our african friends?"
It was silly, I admit. But I do have this sort of deep-down-crazy-unexplainable-love for Africa.
It seems to be the trend nowadays for Christian girls (guys aren't as into this: why?) to go overseas for a few months. I don't know what started this trend.
So, a hint to Christian guys looking for solid girls: go to the short-term mission field. You'll meet so many!
haha, but seriously.
I didn't go because it was the trend.
I didn't go to look good.
I just went to Burundi to grow and broaden my worldview.
I went because I felt like it was God's timing for the trip to happen.
I went in with no idea as to what would happen.
I had expectations, and many were unmet in ways that God used to teach me some big lessons. Some expectations were incredibly exceeded.
I don't feel quite like the same person I was before I left...
Which does sound a little dramatic.
I have only been home for 2 days, so I haven't seen a huge change (as I've been pretty out of it) but I feel that as I interact, my interactions with others will be changed for the better.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
the recipe for productivity
You know those times when you read something and you feel like, "That's exactly it! AHA! I needed to read that today."
Well, that happened this morning in devotions.
I read the prescription for being an effective Christian, penned by Peter:
Unproductive-ity is something I fear. I like to have something to show for my work. I want to make an impact and difference, but sometimes I feel that I don't even know how to go about it.
Peter's prescription is simple. Here is the recipe of things that need to be added to (don't you think this verse reads like a recipe?):
first, have faith.
What a 180 turn-around Peter had!
It gives hope to see such an example.
"I can do no great things, but small things with great love"
Well, that happened this morning in devotions.
I read the prescription for being an effective Christian, penned by Peter:
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.2 Peter 1:5-10
Unproductive-ity is something I fear. I like to have something to show for my work. I want to make an impact and difference, but sometimes I feel that I don't even know how to go about it.
Peter's prescription is simple. Here is the recipe of things that need to be added to (don't you think this verse reads like a recipe?):
first, have faith.
- Add goodness.
- Add knowledge.
- Add self-control.
- Add perseverance.
- Add godliness
- then comes mutual affection
- finally, love!
What a 180 turn-around Peter had!
It gives hope to see such an example.
"I can do no great things, but small things with great love"
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Fretting=evil??
I love Psalm 37. As I read it yesterday, I was struck by the beauty of God's promises.
Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him and he will do this:
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.
your vindication like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Then, a phrase hit me hard:
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret —it leads only to evil.
do not fret —it leads only to evil.
For those who are evil will be destroyed,
but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.
but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.
I have this bad habit of finding things to worry about and allowing molehills to become mountains. I like to have a plan, be "put together", etc, etc.
I mean, there's no harm in fretting a little bit, right?
I don't think of it as something leading to evil of all things.
When I fret, I'm just taking precautions, considering all of the angles, right?
...WRONG.
God is working on my fretfulness.
According to the dictionary:
To fret: to be constantly or visibly worried or anxious
Maybe I am not always visibly worried, and maybe not always constantly, but there are usually a zillion little problems that I allow to become issues on my mind.
Psalm 37 does much to quell worries.
The writer goes on to say:
The Lord makes firm the steps
of the one who delights in him;
of the one who delights in him;
though he may stumble, he will not fall,
for the Lord upholds him with his hand.
for the Lord upholds him with his hand.
I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.
They are always generous and lend freely;
their children will be a blessing.
their children will be a blessing.
What an amazing promise. God does not forsake. He takes care of His own! So really, all of these trivial issues I let build are nothing. When I grasp God's hand and let Him uphold me, the worry melts away.
It takes courage to release worry, but when you do let go, it brings an incredible feeling of peace and security!
Sunday, June 03, 2012
Musings on my future...
Animals!
In case you didn't gather from my last post, I love giraffes. I really really do.
I have always had this deep love of animals -- except for snakes, though that is changing since I now have a pet snake of my own (well, it's a family snake, you know). Okay, and chickens. I don't like those.
I have a story about little me:
when I was young, I was warned about snakes, particularly the poisonous copperhead, which lives in North Carolina. I was about 2 or 3 (I remember this moment very clearly) and my mom told me that she would let me go outside to play (she could see me through the window), but that if I saw a snake, to be sure to let her know by yelling. If I saw a snake, I should stand as still as a statue and not flip out.
I agreed and went out to play.
Well, after I had gone down the slide a few times, I SAW IT.
A snake.
There it was, slithering in the grass in front of me.
I stood stock still.
I screamed. I pointed.
And then, I didn't move.
My mother came rushing out and asked why I was screaming.
I told her I had seen a snake.
She grabbed me and put me on the play structure, high off the ground.
She searched for it.
She looked around, but couldn't find it.
She was close to it. I warned her: "No, no, mommy!! You're almost stepping on it!!"
I was terrified. Then I became even more so because my mom saw it, reached down, and picked it up.
I'm pretty sure I screamed.
She held it out.
It was on her index finger. My mom informed me that the squirming green thing on it would not bite.
It wouldn't even hurt me.
This creature was called an "inchworm"
…oh.
This is proof that I have a flair for the dramatic, a large imagination, and an ingrained fear of snakes. But that fear is changing now. (though I still have a healthy respect for them)
Any other animal though, wow, I love it.
I was absolutely dog-crazy when I was younger.
We had a cat (that I loved), but I desperately wanted a dog. I remember telling my sunday school teacher that I was positive that Heaven was FULL of puppies that all loved me. Heaven didn't need anything else.
I pestered and pestered my parents. I wrote stories about me and dogs. I drew pictures. I even made lists of why I should have a dog.
When my dream of having a pet dog came true, I was SO HAPPY.
But then, sadness, I was very allergic.
When I held my dog, my skin broke out, I would wheeze and cough, my eyes would water and swell, and I couldn't stop sneezing.
My dream was shattered.
I remember crying when I realized that I couldn't cuddle with my dog. We had to give her away to a kind family.
I have a love for animals, and I was reminded of it after I visited the giraffes and the elephants on Thursday.
They are such unique, beautiful creatures, and proof that there is a Creative Maker.
Guess what?
I didn't have an allergic reaction to the giraffe! And it even licked my face!
I think I need a pet giraffe.
I am reconsidering zoology as a major.
I have considered just about every major under the sun, some have been tossed out quickly, others have stuck. If you know me, you know how I've waffled from idea to idea.
The big ones have been Elementary Education, Nutrition, Chemistry, Biology, Nursing, and Pharmacy (Notice a trend?)… and the ones that would be a dream come true might be Acting or Photography, though I don't think those would be worth the $$$$$ of college instruction. If I'm paying for college, I want to gain information that can only be gleaned from higher education…and I've noticed that some of the great actors and photographers are self-taught.
You don't usually find a phenomenal self-taught doctor.
But, happiness, Zoology is a pre-med degree, AND it involves animals (I have had medical school in the back of my mind the past few years) Nutrition is still a strong consideration (and what I'll start to study in the fall), but it's close enough to zoology…
It may sound crazy, but I can sense a connection between me and an animal.
It's like one can communicate in a non-verbal way. I mean, there's body language and I think animals are very good at sensing intent. It sometimes seems that they can read one's mind!
Maybe I watched too many Disney movies with the personification of talking animals, but do remember that they are God's creation and we are called to be caretakers of these creatures.
Hey, Baalam's donkey talked!
Anyways, this was a new breakthrough in figuring out my future.
I spent time yesterday daydreaming about getting to be one of the lucky people to observe, photograph, study, and work with animals, and I was on cloud 9. I seriously could just observe animals and nature all day, boring as that sounds to some.
When I think about Nutrition, I am still excited at some prospects of it. I'd love to help people with food allergies, weight loss/gain, and overall health. I think that many mystery medical problems could be solved if people could become educated in nutrition.
Bodies are delicate machines and food is what fuels us.
Food is important, and it saddens me that people just fill themselves with junk fuel.
But I have been told by more than one person, "You want to study Nutrition? Oh! Well, that's great. You could work in a nursing home or in a school cafeteria!"
…not exactly my idea of a rocking job.
Is nutrition really just menu-planning?
I pray that it isn't.
I am interested in the research of foods, studying breakthroughs and benefits of food, and helping people to understand junk food=bad, and adapt menus to their specific food-fuel needs.
…I'm not into figuring out what to pair with the mashed peas for dinner.
Nothing against Nursing Homes or School Cafeterias, of course, since they both play a vital role to society…but it's not quite my cup of tea.
I shall keep praying for my paths to be directed.
In case you didn't gather from my last post, I love giraffes. I really really do.
I have always had this deep love of animals -- except for snakes, though that is changing since I now have a pet snake of my own (well, it's a family snake, you know). Okay, and chickens. I don't like those.
I have a story about little me:
when I was young, I was warned about snakes, particularly the poisonous copperhead, which lives in North Carolina. I was about 2 or 3 (I remember this moment very clearly) and my mom told me that she would let me go outside to play (she could see me through the window), but that if I saw a snake, to be sure to let her know by yelling. If I saw a snake, I should stand as still as a statue and not flip out.
I agreed and went out to play.
Well, after I had gone down the slide a few times, I SAW IT.
A snake.
There it was, slithering in the grass in front of me.
I stood stock still.
I screamed. I pointed.
And then, I didn't move.
My mother came rushing out and asked why I was screaming.
I told her I had seen a snake.
She grabbed me and put me on the play structure, high off the ground.
She searched for it.
She looked around, but couldn't find it.
She was close to it. I warned her: "No, no, mommy!! You're almost stepping on it!!"
I was terrified. Then I became even more so because my mom saw it, reached down, and picked it up.
I'm pretty sure I screamed.
She held it out.
It was on her index finger. My mom informed me that the squirming green thing on it would not bite.
It wouldn't even hurt me.
This creature was called an "inchworm"
…oh.
This is proof that I have a flair for the dramatic, a large imagination, and an ingrained fear of snakes. But that fear is changing now. (though I still have a healthy respect for them)
Any other animal though, wow, I love it.
I was absolutely dog-crazy when I was younger.
We had a cat (that I loved), but I desperately wanted a dog. I remember telling my sunday school teacher that I was positive that Heaven was FULL of puppies that all loved me. Heaven didn't need anything else.
I pestered and pestered my parents. I wrote stories about me and dogs. I drew pictures. I even made lists of why I should have a dog.
When my dream of having a pet dog came true, I was SO HAPPY.
But then, sadness, I was very allergic.
When I held my dog, my skin broke out, I would wheeze and cough, my eyes would water and swell, and I couldn't stop sneezing.
My dream was shattered.
I remember crying when I realized that I couldn't cuddle with my dog. We had to give her away to a kind family.
I have a love for animals, and I was reminded of it after I visited the giraffes and the elephants on Thursday.
They are such unique, beautiful creatures, and proof that there is a Creative Maker.
Guess what?
I didn't have an allergic reaction to the giraffe! And it even licked my face!
I think I need a pet giraffe.
I am reconsidering zoology as a major.
I have considered just about every major under the sun, some have been tossed out quickly, others have stuck. If you know me, you know how I've waffled from idea to idea.
The big ones have been Elementary Education, Nutrition, Chemistry, Biology, Nursing, and Pharmacy (Notice a trend?)… and the ones that would be a dream come true might be Acting or Photography, though I don't think those would be worth the $$$$$ of college instruction. If I'm paying for college, I want to gain information that can only be gleaned from higher education…and I've noticed that some of the great actors and photographers are self-taught.
You don't usually find a phenomenal self-taught doctor.
But, happiness, Zoology is a pre-med degree, AND it involves animals (I have had medical school in the back of my mind the past few years) Nutrition is still a strong consideration (and what I'll start to study in the fall), but it's close enough to zoology…
It may sound crazy, but I can sense a connection between me and an animal.
It's like one can communicate in a non-verbal way. I mean, there's body language and I think animals are very good at sensing intent. It sometimes seems that they can read one's mind!
Maybe I watched too many Disney movies with the personification of talking animals, but do remember that they are God's creation and we are called to be caretakers of these creatures.
Hey, Baalam's donkey talked!
Anyways, this was a new breakthrough in figuring out my future.
I spent time yesterday daydreaming about getting to be one of the lucky people to observe, photograph, study, and work with animals, and I was on cloud 9. I seriously could just observe animals and nature all day, boring as that sounds to some.
When I think about Nutrition, I am still excited at some prospects of it. I'd love to help people with food allergies, weight loss/gain, and overall health. I think that many mystery medical problems could be solved if people could become educated in nutrition.
Bodies are delicate machines and food is what fuels us.
Food is important, and it saddens me that people just fill themselves with junk fuel.
But I have been told by more than one person, "You want to study Nutrition? Oh! Well, that's great. You could work in a nursing home or in a school cafeteria!"
…not exactly my idea of a rocking job.
Is nutrition really just menu-planning?
I pray that it isn't.
I am interested in the research of foods, studying breakthroughs and benefits of food, and helping people to understand junk food=bad, and adapt menus to their specific food-fuel needs.
…I'm not into figuring out what to pair with the mashed peas for dinner.
Nothing against Nursing Homes or School Cafeterias, of course, since they both play a vital role to society…but it's not quite my cup of tea.
I shall keep praying for my paths to be directed.
Saturday, June 02, 2012
"So, what are you doing?"
"What are you doing in Burundi?"
I have been asked this question many times, especially as I've been here in Africa.
It's an innocent question, but the answer is complex.
The truth is, I don't have really have a "set agenda".
I have been taking each day as it comes.
Which has been amazing.
I've been able to experience so many wonderful things!
Some days I stay home with the little ones who are sick and need attention (there's some sort of bug going around).
Some days I have helped to organize files.
Some days I have written interviews and snapped photos of the Rainbow Centre babies.
Some days I have worked on designing brochures and websites.
Some days I have helped at Discovery School.
Some days I teach Sunday School.
Some days I run errands and just assist in the day-to-day life of the Johnson family.
So, when I am asked what I do, and why I'm here, I know I should have a short, easy answer.
But it has caught me off guard a few times.
I've resorted to just saying, "a bit of everything"
I think the most important thing is to focus on my relationship with God and to realize that no matter what I do, I am called to spread the aroma of Christ:
I know that I am not equal to such a task.
But because I have His spirit in me, He can use me as a tool to bring others to Him. My goal is to serve and point to God, no matter what task I have been given. I know that He will provide exactly what I need, and He knows what I can handle.
I delight in serving Him!
I have been asked this question many times, especially as I've been here in Africa.
It's an innocent question, but the answer is complex.
The truth is, I don't have really have a "set agenda".
I have been taking each day as it comes.
Which has been amazing.
I've been able to experience so many wonderful things!
Some days I stay home with the little ones who are sick and need attention (there's some sort of bug going around).
Some days I have helped to organize files.
Some days I have written interviews and snapped photos of the Rainbow Centre babies.
Some days I have worked on designing brochures and websites.
Some days I have helped at Discovery School.
Some days I teach Sunday School.
Some days I run errands and just assist in the day-to-day life of the Johnson family.
So, when I am asked what I do, and why I'm here, I know I should have a short, easy answer.
But it has caught me off guard a few times.
I've resorted to just saying, "a bit of everything"
I think the most important thing is to focus on my relationship with God and to realize that no matter what I do, I am called to spread the aroma of Christ:
But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life. And who is equal to such a task?2 Corinthians 3:14-16
I know that I am not equal to such a task.
But because I have His spirit in me, He can use me as a tool to bring others to Him. My goal is to serve and point to God, no matter what task I have been given. I know that He will provide exactly what I need, and He knows what I can handle.
I delight in serving Him!
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Mark Twain's inspirational quote
This is overquoted, but, it's true:
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
This includes kissing a giraffe (if you're friends with me on Facebook, or if you've been looking at my other blog, then you already know and are probably rolling your eyes at the overpostage of this picture)
Giraffes have antiseptic saliva, fun fact.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
This includes kissing a giraffe (if you're friends with me on Facebook, or if you've been looking at my other blog, then you already know and are probably rolling your eyes at the overpostage of this picture)
Giraffes have antiseptic saliva, fun fact.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Taking the plunge
I stood at the edge of the diving platform.
Fear gripped me.
I peered over the edge, down the 20-foot-drop into the pool.
From up here, it looked more like a 100-foot drop.
This was the high dive.
I froze.
I started to make the motion to jump, but I found I could not heedlessly plunge into the depths.
I was shown up by a 6-year-old boy.
"Watch out! Are you gonna go?", he asked.
I not-so-reluctantly let him go in front of me.
He ran and jumped gleefully down into the water.
It has been a while since I've been apprehensive of doing something like that. I'm usually more of a daring type. …maybe I AM getting old!
I couldn't bring myself to step out over the water.
I eventually did take the plunge, but I couldn't understand my hesitance and inability to jump.
Why did I hesitate? Common sense told me that the water was below, plenty deep enough, and all I had to do was jump out.
I did, and it was awesome!
Sometimes faith is a lot like that.
I know there are plenty of analogies about taking "leaps of faith", but this was one of the first times I recently had a fear-type reaction to something I knew was safe.
It was a very real visual.
Fear gripped me.
I peered over the edge, down the 20-foot-drop into the pool.
From up here, it looked more like a 100-foot drop.
This was the high dive.
I froze.
I started to make the motion to jump, but I found I could not heedlessly plunge into the depths.
I was shown up by a 6-year-old boy.
"Watch out! Are you gonna go?", he asked.
I not-so-reluctantly let him go in front of me.
He ran and jumped gleefully down into the water.
It has been a while since I've been apprehensive of doing something like that. I'm usually more of a daring type. …maybe I AM getting old!
I couldn't bring myself to step out over the water.
I eventually did take the plunge, but I couldn't understand my hesitance and inability to jump.
Why did I hesitate? Common sense told me that the water was below, plenty deep enough, and all I had to do was jump out.
I did, and it was awesome!
Sometimes faith is a lot like that.
I know there are plenty of analogies about taking "leaps of faith", but this was one of the first times I recently had a fear-type reaction to something I knew was safe.
It was a very real visual.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Going without a Bible
I went without my Bible for a few days.
Woah now, before you start judging, (I know that I'm in Africa and I'm supposed to be a light)
I still read the Bible, I just didn't have my copy.
I had left it behind by accident at the Mission. I wasn't able to retrieve it for a few days.
Even though I was able to find another Bible to borrow for a bit, it wasn't the same. I'm used to how my Bible feels, I can find well loved passages so easily, the pages fall open right to them.
I have had my little purple Bible since 2008. I know to most people that's not a long time, but four years is a good chunk of time when you're 19. It's over 1/5 of my life!
I have done much growing of both the physical and spiritual sort while I've had this Bible.
I was so happy to have it back!
I know that the word of God is the word of God and regardless of how it's delivered, it can make an impact.
But I don't quite know, there is something so comforting about having a copy of His manuscript that you know the ins and outs of, that contains scribbles of dates and sermon notes in the margins, that has highlighted sections and color coded sections, too.
This Bible has seen a lot of wear and tear. It has held up rather well.
There is a quote that pops into my mind when I see a tattered Bible:
"A bible that is falling apart is a sign of someone who's life isn't."
I might add…or a sign of someone who doesn't know how to take care of their things.
But I use and love my Bible. It is marked UP, I tell you. Once, I decided to delve into Philippians and Ephesians using a color coding system. That section of my Bible is rainbow-colored.
My life definitely has its ups and downs.
If I didn't have God's word to cling to, I know that my life would most likely be in shambles.
I would have had a nervous breakdown by now.
I wouldn't be good to be around.
Praise God for His word!
It reminded me that there are many out there who need their own copies of God's manuscript. I've heard of the persecuted countries, where people have just a few pages that they treasure. Or they do their best to memorize chunks of scripture.
Or, worse yet, they don't have the Word in their language!
Definitely sobering.
Woah now, before you start judging, (I know that I'm in Africa and I'm supposed to be a light)
I still read the Bible, I just didn't have my copy.
I had left it behind by accident at the Mission. I wasn't able to retrieve it for a few days.
Even though I was able to find another Bible to borrow for a bit, it wasn't the same. I'm used to how my Bible feels, I can find well loved passages so easily, the pages fall open right to them.
I have had my little purple Bible since 2008. I know to most people that's not a long time, but four years is a good chunk of time when you're 19. It's over 1/5 of my life!
I have done much growing of both the physical and spiritual sort while I've had this Bible.
I was so happy to have it back!
I know that the word of God is the word of God and regardless of how it's delivered, it can make an impact.
But I don't quite know, there is something so comforting about having a copy of His manuscript that you know the ins and outs of, that contains scribbles of dates and sermon notes in the margins, that has highlighted sections and color coded sections, too.
This Bible has seen a lot of wear and tear. It has held up rather well.
There is a quote that pops into my mind when I see a tattered Bible:
"A bible that is falling apart is a sign of someone who's life isn't."
I might add…or a sign of someone who doesn't know how to take care of their things.
But I use and love my Bible. It is marked UP, I tell you. Once, I decided to delve into Philippians and Ephesians using a color coding system. That section of my Bible is rainbow-colored.
My life definitely has its ups and downs.
If I didn't have God's word to cling to, I know that my life would most likely be in shambles.
I would have had a nervous breakdown by now.
I wouldn't be good to be around.
Praise God for His word!
It reminded me that there are many out there who need their own copies of God's manuscript. I've heard of the persecuted countries, where people have just a few pages that they treasure. Or they do their best to memorize chunks of scripture.
Or, worse yet, they don't have the Word in their language!
Definitely sobering.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
An Illustration Most Pertinent
I was listening to a sermon, and I loved to remember this truth:
When a child is first learning to walk, her parents don't scold unmercifully. When she falls down, the parent doesn't yell, "What are you doing?!? You're a failure of a child!! You can't even walk!"No, no. The parent encourages, arms outstretched to receive their baby.
It's the same with God. As we grow spiritually, He is not berating us and condemning us. He's encouraging. He loves unconditionally.
What a fantastic thing to remember. God is on your side.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Overflowing with His goodness
LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup,
You have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines for me have fallen in pleasant places,
Surely I have a delightful inheritance.
Psalm 16:5
Oh, the joy!
I LOVE IT when I read a passage of scripture and it speaks to me (as funny as that terminology, "speaks to me" sounds…I've grown up in church, so I speak rather fluent Christian-ese.)
This past week, I have been concentrating on Psalm 16. There are so many wonderful truths to be gleaned from this chapter.
I'm stuck on it, I can't get over it! I've been reading the chapter for the last few days, and every time I read it, something new sticks out to me.
As I read it, I felt convicted and challenged. As I read, I also felt, joy, security, and encouragement.
"You have assigned me my portion and my cup"
If I believe that God has given me what I have: my circumstances, my abilities, my possessions; then it should be enough.
I should be content, buuuut, I have a tendency to look around and see other people's potential and gifts. Sometimes, I find myself breaking the 10th commandment (NO coveting!)
God has given me what I have as a gift!
"You have made my lot secure"
I have a confession (which I'm insecure to make, ha!): I sometimes struggle with insecurity.
Like the Superchic[k] song (One and Lonely):
Sometimes I have good days and it's good to be me
Sometimes I get the best of insecurity
And it's quite alright to be the one and only
But today I feel like the one and lonely
I want to be competent, good enough, accepted, well-liked, etc, etc.
I'm on the side of people-pleasing in order to get kudos.
God makes my lot secure. That statement relaxed me. It was like taking a deep breath of fresh air.
God has given me perfect security in Him, and that gives such joy!
"The boundary lines for me have fallen in pleasant places"
I have been blessed by parents who gave me solid boundaries as I grew up. I am not sure how many kids like to admit it, but boundaries are really great.
...And no, I'm not brainwashed.
If you haven't realized how good it was that your parents gave you boundaries, I pray that someday you do and that you thank them.
Boundaries act as a fence, keeping bad things OUT and good things IN.
As I'm getting older, I'm having to figure out what my personal boundaries are. This involves a lot of prayer, reading the Word, and being sensitive to the Spirit.
There have been times when I have KNOWN that something is outside of my boundaries, even though to other people, it's totally fine.
It's like the Holy Spirit is telling me, "No, no, no! Don't even mess with that!"
There have been times that I've listened, and I've been so blessed!
…but there are times when I don't listen. I try to reason it out, tell myself that what I'm about to do isn't so terribly bad…and oh boy, do I pay for it. Once you have the Spirit of God living in you, as soon as you do something that you know is wrong, it eats you up!
Boundaries are for protection, and God is going to make sure that they are PLEASANT.
Another thing noted: if God didn't give boundaries, we couldn't be secure.
"Surely I have a delightful inheritance"
An inheritance!
God promises it to those who are surrendered to Him.
I think of an inheritance as something to look forward to, and the big inheritance will come when my race of life is run.
There are promises that God is already fulfilling now. Comfort, peace, love, joy, fulfillment… He meets every desire. I mean, if that isn't delightful enough! On top of this, He promises unfathomable things…things that I am excited to see someday when I finish my work here on earth.
This has been rambling, but as I was reading Psalm 16 (again! I can't get enough of it!) I had these thoughts pop into my mind, and I decided to type them out. Perhaps I will eventually proofread these ramblings.
There are so many more nuggets of goodness in this chapter, I can't get over it.
Sunday, May 06, 2012
An Almost Proposal
I have been semi-proposed to before. It was an awkward experience, to be proposed to by a total stranger in a supermarket (if you don't believe me, well, it happened)
Well, tonight, I had a similar experience. It was a funny experience to me, I got a laugh afterwards at this guys method of cross-examining me.
I was at the café downtown, hoping for some good internet. It worked off and on for a bit, and then it just went kaput.
It was gone.
I tried for a good portion of 30 minutes to get it to work, but it was a server issue rather than my computer. The waiters tried to repair the connection to no avail. So I packed up.
I was waiting by the door for my ride when the power went out.
I was clutching my bag.
I could see a figure approaching me in the light that came from the fading light outside.
"Good evening", the figure said.
"Good evening", I replied
Figure: "The generator will work in a moment."
The lights turned on and I saw one of the employees standing before me. His name tag read Jean Louis.
The conversation continues and we discuss churches, both here and in the USA. It turns out he goes to church…though I don't know the name of it. He says that he has been born again and that he has a vision of someday going to university, but first that he must work. He seemed like a legit believer. I was impressed with his vision, and encouraged him by reminding him that God does supply every need, but it is good for us to put forth effort, recalling that the apostle Paul being a tentmaker...
I start to tune him out at this point. I am feeling so awkward at this moment, because well, the L-word is something I am not used to throwing around...
At this moment, my ride walks in. OH WHAT WONDERFUL TIMING!
The timing of my ride was just providential.
Well, tonight, I had a similar experience. It was a funny experience to me, I got a laugh afterwards at this guys method of cross-examining me.
I was at the café downtown, hoping for some good internet. It worked off and on for a bit, and then it just went kaput.
It was gone.
I tried for a good portion of 30 minutes to get it to work, but it was a server issue rather than my computer. The waiters tried to repair the connection to no avail. So I packed up.
I was waiting by the door for my ride when the power went out.
I was clutching my bag.
I could see a figure approaching me in the light that came from the fading light outside.
"Good evening", the figure said.
"Good evening", I replied
Figure: "The generator will work in a moment."
The lights turned on and I saw one of the employees standing before me. His name tag read Jean Louis.
Jean Louis: so you have come to use the internet? I am sorry it did not work well.
Me: Oh, it worked for a bit, thank you. I really wish it had let me finish uploading posts and allowed me talk more to my family.
JL: Your family? Is it in America?
Me: Yes. All in America.
JL: where? What state?
Me: North Carolina? Have you heard of it?
JL: North…Caro-lin hmm
Me: gesturing by making an outline of a map of the USA. It's in the southeast. In the summer there, it is warm like it is here. It's a nice state.
JL: Mm. I see. What is your name?
Me: It's Makenzie. I see that you're Jean-Louis.
JL: MMkenzi?
Me: Like mugenzi, haha, you know? Makenzie.
JL: Ah, so your name is Kirundi? Only one name? No last name?
Me: Uhm… just Makenzie
JL: Strange. Where do you live here?
Me: Ummm, it's close, but I couldn't tell you exactly. You know, I'm not the greatest with directions.
JL: you should tell me so I can come to see you. You would receive me?
Me: Oh! Um, well, lately I have been gone away most of the day from the place I am staying. I'm usually very busy. But uh, I'll be back by the coffee shop again sometime.
JL: Ah. Why are you here and not in America?
Me: Well, I'm here for a few months to volunteer at a school and wherever there is help needed… and to learn about the culture and pick up a few languages hopefully. Kirundi is hard!
JL: You are a teacher! What school? Are you teaching at University?
Me: ha, not at university. I'm just helping with little children at a school in Kigobe, called Discovery School.
JL: You teach Sunday School?
Me: I have taught some in the United States! I love it. But here, I haven't taught Sunday school. Do you go to church around here?
The conversation continues and we discuss churches, both here and in the USA. It turns out he goes to church…though I don't know the name of it. He says that he has been born again and that he has a vision of someday going to university, but first that he must work. He seemed like a legit believer. I was impressed with his vision, and encouraged him by reminding him that God does supply every need, but it is good for us to put forth effort, recalling that the apostle Paul being a tentmaker...
JL: you are right. It is good to work and not to beg for money.
I nodded in affirmation and smiled.
there was a pause…
JL: May-Ken-Si, I love you.
Me:… umm, why, thank you.
JL: Right now, I don't have the resources, but maybe we can someday…
I start to tune him out at this point. I am feeling so awkward at this moment, because well, the L-word is something I am not used to throwing around...
At this moment, my ride walks in. OH WHAT WONDERFUL TIMING!
The timing of my ride was just providential.
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