"So, what are you doing?"

"What are you doing in Burundi?"
I have been asked this question many times, especially as I've been here in Africa.
It's an innocent question, but the answer is complex. 

The truth is, I don't have really have a "set agenda".
I have been taking each day as it comes.
Which has been amazing.
I've been able to experience so many wonderful things!
Some days I stay home with the little ones who are sick and need attention (there's some sort of bug going around).
Some days I have helped to organize files.
Some days I have written interviews and snapped photos of the Rainbow Centre babies.
Some days I have worked on designing brochures and websites. 
Some days I have helped at Discovery School.
Some days I teach Sunday School.
Some days I run errands and just assist in the day-to-day life of the Johnson family.

 So, when I am asked what I do, and why I'm here, I know I should have a short, easy answer.
But it has caught me off guard a few times.
I've resorted to just saying, "a bit of everything"

I think the most important thing is to focus on my relationship with God and to realize that no matter what I do, I am called to spread the aroma of Christ:  

But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere.  For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life. And who is equal to such a task? 

2 Corinthians 3:14-16

I know that I am not equal to such a task. 

But because I have His spirit in me, He can use me as a tool to bring others to Him. My goal is to serve and point to God, no matter what task I have been given. I know that He will provide exactly what I need, and He knows what I can handle.

I delight in serving Him!

Taking the plunge

I stood at the edge of the diving platform.
Fear gripped me.
I peered over the edge, down the 20-foot-drop into the pool.
From up here, it looked more like a 100-foot drop.
This was the high dive.
I froze.
I started to make the motion to jump, but I found I could not heedlessly plunge into the depths.
I was shown up by a 6-year-old boy.
"Watch out! Are you gonna go?", he asked.
I not-so-reluctantly let him go in front of me.
He ran and jumped gleefully down into the water.

It has been a while since I've been apprehensive of doing something like that. I'm usually more of a daring type. …maybe I AM getting old!

I couldn't bring myself to step out over the water.

I eventually did take the plunge, but I couldn't understand my hesitance and inability to jump.
Why did I hesitate? Common sense told me that the water was below, plenty deep enough, and all I had to do was jump out.

I did, and it was awesome!

Sometimes faith is a lot like that.

I know there are plenty of analogies about taking "leaps of faith", but this was one of the first times I recently had a fear-type reaction to something I knew was safe.
It was a very real visual. 

Going without a Bible

I went without my Bible for a few days.

Woah now, before you start judging, (I know that I'm in Africa and I'm supposed to be a light)

I still read the Bible, I just didn't have my copy.
I had left it behind by accident at the Mission. I wasn't able to retrieve it for a few days.

Even though I was able to find another Bible to borrow for a bit, it wasn't the same. I'm used to how my Bible feels, I can find well loved passages so easily, the pages fall open right to them.

I have had my little purple Bible since 2008. I know to most people that's not a long time, but four years is a good chunk of time when you're 19. It's over 1/5 of my life!

I have done much growing of both the physical and spiritual sort while I've had this Bible.

I was so happy to have it back!

I know that the word of God is the word of God and regardless of how it's delivered, it can make an impact.

But I don't quite know, there is something so comforting about having a copy of His manuscript that you know the ins and outs of, that contains scribbles of dates and sermon notes in the margins, that has highlighted sections and color coded sections, too.

This Bible has seen a lot of wear and tear. It has held up rather well.
There is a quote that pops into my mind when I see a tattered Bible:

"A bible that is falling apart is a sign of someone who's life isn't."

I might add…or a sign of someone who doesn't know how to take care of their things.

But I use and love my Bible. It is marked UP, I tell you. Once, I decided to delve into Philippians and Ephesians using a color coding system. That section of my Bible is rainbow-colored.

My life definitely has its ups and downs.

If I didn't have God's word to cling to, I know that my life would most likely be in shambles.

I would have had a nervous breakdown by now.
I wouldn't be good to be around. 

Praise God for His word!

It reminded me that there are many out there who need their own copies of God's manuscript. I've heard of the persecuted countries, where people have just a few pages that they treasure. Or they do their best to memorize chunks of scripture.
Or, worse yet, they don't have the Word in their language!

Definitely sobering.

An Illustration Most Pertinent

I was listening to a sermon, and I loved to remember this truth:

When a child is first learning to walk, her parents don't scold unmercifully. When she falls down, the parent doesn't yell, "What are you doing?!? You're a failure of a child!! You can't even walk!" 

No, no. The parent encourages, arms outstretched to receive their baby.

It's the same with God. As we grow spiritually, He is not berating us and condemning us. He's encouraging. He loves unconditionally.
 What a fantastic thing to remember. God is on your side.

Overflowing with His goodness

LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup,
You have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines for me have fallen in pleasant places,
Surely I have a delightful inheritance.
Psalm 16:5

Oh, the joy!
I LOVE IT when I read a passage of scripture and it speaks to me (as funny as that terminology, "speaks to me" sounds…I've grown up in church, so I speak rather fluent Christian-ese.)

This past week, I have been concentrating on Psalm 16. There are so many wonderful truths to be gleaned from this chapter.

I'm stuck on it, I can't get over it! I've been reading the chapter for the last few days, and every time I read it, something new sticks out to me.

As I read it, I felt convicted and challenged. As I read, I also felt, joy, security, and encouragement.

"You have assigned me my portion and my cup"

If I believe that God has given me what I have: my circumstances, my abilities, my possessions; then it should be enough.
I should be content, buuuut, I have a tendency to look around and see other people's potential and gifts. Sometimes, I find myself breaking the 10th commandment (NO coveting!)
God has given me what I have as a gift!

"You have made my lot secure"
I have a confession (which I'm insecure to make, ha!): I sometimes struggle with insecurity.
Like the Superchic[k] song (One and Lonely):
Sometimes I have good days and it's good to be me
Sometimes I get the best of insecurity
And it's quite alright to be the one and only
But today I feel like the one and lonely

 I want to be competent, good enough, accepted, well-liked, etc, etc.
I'm on the side of people-pleasing in order to get kudos.
God makes my lot secure. That statement relaxed me. It was like taking a deep breath of fresh air.
God has given me perfect security in Him, and that gives such joy!

"The boundary lines for me have fallen in pleasant places"

I have been blessed by parents who gave me solid boundaries as I grew up. I am not sure how many kids like to admit it, but boundaries are really great.
...And no, I'm not brainwashed.
If you haven't realized how good it was that your parents gave you boundaries, I pray that someday you do and that you thank them.

Boundaries act as a fence, keeping bad things OUT and good things IN.

As I'm getting older, I'm having to figure out what my personal boundaries are. This involves a lot of prayer, reading the Word, and being sensitive to the Spirit.

There have been times when I have KNOWN that something is outside of my boundaries, even though to other people, it's totally fine.
It's like the Holy Spirit is telling me, "No, no, no! Don't even mess with that!"
There have been times that I've listened, and I've been so blessed!
…but there are times when I don't listen. I try to reason it out, tell myself that what I'm about to do isn't so terribly bad…and oh boy, do I pay for it. Once you have the Spirit of God living in you, as soon as you do something that you know is wrong, it eats you up!
Boundaries are for protection, and God is going to make sure that they are PLEASANT. 
Another thing noted: if God didn't give boundaries, we couldn't be secure.

"Surely I have a delightful inheritance"

An inheritance!
God promises it to those who are surrendered to Him.
I think of an inheritance as something to look forward to, and the big inheritance will come when my race of life is run.
There are promises that God is already fulfilling now. Comfort, peace, love, joy, fulfillment… He meets every desire. I mean, if that isn't delightful enough! On top of this, He promises unfathomable things…things that I am excited to see someday when I finish my work here on earth.

This has been rambling, but as I was reading Psalm 16 (again! I can't get enough of it!) I had these thoughts pop into my mind, and I decided to type them out. Perhaps I will eventually proofread these ramblings.

There are so many more nuggets of goodness in this chapter, I can't get over it.

Welcoming Distractions

Let me just say, I am a FOCUSED person. Maybe not always driven, but definitely focused and detailed.
When I start a task, I want to finish it.
I get totally wrapped up in it. When I'm doing something, I don't want to be distracted.

You could say that I focus to a fault. I am very good at tuning out everything and just concentrating.

Distractions are usually unwelcome. Very unwelcome. (Unless it comes to Calculus or Physics Homework. Any and all distractions are met with open arms then.)

This trip to Africa has taught me much about flexibility. You never know exactly what will happen each day. The pace of life is slower.
You must embrace change.

I am realizing that change is the way of life. As a Christian, I should be changing. My faith should remain solid, of course, but my life should change every day.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory which far outweighs them all. We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 

~2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Distractions, problems, issues, are all like a wake-up call. They are growing experiences that should be welcomed. If I can use my ability to focus on the unseen, the seen issues that interrupt my "routine" won't matter any more. Troubles become light and momentary.

I have found that some days, I kinda just sleepwalk through. Distractions wake me up!

Usually when an issue comes up, I easily get annoyed. I wonder why on earth I can't just complete my task.
If I am trusting that God knows what He is doing, I can take distractions as they come. I can have perspective and realize that any troubles that come in this life are light. They last but a moment in eternal perspective.

another reccuring theme

Since then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things. For you died and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will be raised with him in glory.

It is really uncanny how my devotional book lines up with what I've been thinking about. Last night, as I drifted off to sleep (okay, I was really tired, so really just right before I conked out) I read Colossians 3.

I love that chapter. I have used that chapter to combat many doubts and temptations. When you feel utterly out-of-sorts, here is an anchor: set your heart on things above. Set your mind on things above.

On Sunday, the pastor at the French-English church I've been going to preached about a very very basic part of the Christian faith: belief in the resurrection of the dead.

He hammered the point. There is an eternal hope that we look forward to.
He reiterated this point.
I struggled to pay attention to this sermon, it was on the repetitive side. But I know that it is an important thing to know, especially for new believers.

So it was an hour of repetition and reiteration of the same point. I have a hard enough time sitting still for a lecture as it is.

I thought, I got it. One day we will all be raised to be with Christ in perfection.

But then conviction came.
If I really believe that Christ has been raised from the dead, if I believe that someday I will be raised, perhaps my life should look different.

Perhaps it should look like this:

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. ~ I Corinthians 15:58

That is what Paul states at the end of his writing in I Corinthians about future resurrection. As a result of true belief in that doctrine, the above should be happening.
Standing firm.
The wholehearted giving of oneself to God's work.
Knowing that what you do serves a purpose.

It is one thing to know that one day Christians will be raised, it is another thing to act on it.
If I act like I believe that there is a future hope, little worries and details shouldn't get me down.
My life, the essence of who I am, should be hidden with Christ in God.

To contemplate what kind of life that should be is exciting, it's daring.
It is exciting because it means NO FEAR.
It means that God is in control and that he can use the one surrendered to Him to do great things.
I know that on my own, I simply can't do things for God. It's really sad, the times that I've acted out of my own volition to do a good deed. Without doing it as obedience to God, it just feels… empty.

The times when I have prayed, Just use me, Lord. Whatever you have for me to do, I will do.
He has answered! Opportunities come, and I find a joy in doing them. They are usually things that I find happiness in completing, things that suit my talents.
So I encourage you, if you are not already, to remember that there is a future hope, a future excitement, and that if you surrender to God, He will use you in exciting, fulfilling ways.

A little more than useless

Have you ever felt useless?
...like what you're doing has no impact?
...like you don't know what on earth God has got in store?

Well, today I got a word about this.

A word that came at just the right moment, when I was feeling ever-so-slightly this way.

Isaiah 49:4
"But I said, "I have labored to no purpose;
I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing...."


While I haven't felt quite that down-and-out, I have had the feeling that comes every so often of, "I'm not really making an impact...I'm... what am I doing here?"
I can be utterly exhausted from effort, and what do I have to show for it?

But (yay!) the verse goes on to give hope:
"...Yet what is due me is in the LORD's hand,
and my reward is with my God."


But remembering that all I do is all for God, no matter what, makes all of the difference. It is a matter of the heart, the intent.

I love to remember this verse:
Colossians 3:17
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

I felt I should post this today.

God sees what you're up to, and He has got the reward. Even if it feels thankless, He knows. 

Isaiah

So encouraged by Isaiah 41:


⁸ “But you, Israel, my servant,
   Jacob, whom I have chosen,
   you descendants of Abraham my friend,
⁹ I took you from the ends of the earth,
   from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’;
   I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you;
   do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
   I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

No randomness in His Plan

A huge point:

There is nothing random in God's kingdom or plan.

God works all things out for the good of those who love Him.

ALL THINGS.

You may think something unexpected has come up, but God is going to work it out for good. He knows He has a plan.

Crazily enough, in the past few months, I have been searching for the plan. I have had foggy moments where I feel like God is saying nothing to me. But really, I think He's telling me that the plan is already here, right in front of me.

I guess what I've been expecting is a map of my life to just fall out of heaven, with every detail planned out to a T.
Something would happen so I would know what it is I'm supposed to do.
I would know for sure how I could best serve God.
…but no map has fallen out of the sky.

While I have been given a guidebook, and while it doesn't say such details as what I should major in, who I should date, where I should live, etc., it does give the big picture.

1. First, follow Christ.
2. Be cleansed of sin.
3. Restore a relationship with God.
4. Run the race of life with endurance.
5. Do everything in the name of Christ Jesus.
6. Do so much good that when others look to accuse, they can find no fault. Encourage one another.
7. Love God first, above all else.
8. Love others deeply, as much as you love yourself.

That's just a bit of the lessons God has been teaching.

I've been struggling with the how.

How am I going to do that?

…but the cool thing is that I don't have to do it. Really, I just have to surrender to God. I have to listen to the Holy Spirit.

While God isn't going to give me a mapped out, detailed plan of my life, I can know what the end result should be.
He lets Christians use creativity to get there.

He gives free will.

But, paradox!

He knows. 

 He knows every detail. He is going to take those details, even the ones that at the moment seem immensely frustrating, and turn them into something good.

So, if there is something that's annoying you, getting you down, making you feel like pulling your hair out… take heart!
God has got the details. Don't try to take control. Love Him, and keep living for Him.
I have tried this, and the peace that comes is amazing.
I have tried working out the details myself. I have tried taking the steering wheel, and let me tell you, it is not a fun path.

I've learned to just let God do His job, and I'll do mine of living for Him. It's much easier and enjoyable that way.

Eyes Opened

Africa is eye-opening.
I realize how spoiled I have been while  growing up in America. So many things I took for granted are hard to come by here.
Little luxuries like fast internet, computers, and constant electricity become bigger luxuries once you live without them for a while.
Even indoor plumbing is a pretty huge deal here. Where I am, the water is off and on without explanation. 
In the states, people take it for granted. Of course there's electricity and water! Not so here.

When you go to a restaurant, there are no health inspectors checking out the kitchen…you never know how that food was prepared...

When you even eat nutritious food, you're better off than many.

If you must go to the hospital, heaven forbid. The hospitals here can do little to help. Pray that you don't need surgery, because you don't know where the surgeon's hands have been or when the equipment was last sterilized.  Treatment can be costly, and they actually keep you at the hospital until you can pay…some children have grown up in the hospital. There are clinics from outside countries.

When you are somewhere where the luxuries are considerably less, you realize how blessed and well-off you are.
This became a spiritual allegory too, in a way.
I have grown up in a Christian home. I expressed the desire to be a Christian when I was 6. As terrible as it is, I have grown used to some of the blessings I have in Christ.
But as I thought about the luxuries that I so easily take for granted in the USA, I started to consider the luxuries that God has promised:

I waited patiently for the LORD;
He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
He set my feet on a rock,
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

Psalm 40:1-3

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.

1 Peter 2:9

If you are one of God's people, rejoice! He has called you, you are His.

He has blessed you immensely, innumerably.

He has saved you from the muck and mire.

Though sometimes I take it for granted, today I am going to recall just how much God has done and is doing in my life.

It is comforting to know that there is One who will never leave or forsake you, and One who has got the plan.

I have found that when I start to focus my eyes on Him and what He has done, everything else, every problem and worry, becomes less.

Four important commands

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:

In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,

but you would have none of it.

Isaiah 30:15

I consider myself as stressed out and "normal" as the next person. I have nothing, absolutely nothing to boast about. …and I'm not boasting about not being able to boast. I can only boast that Jesus has made all things well with my soul, and that He can make all things well for anyone.

One thing I have learned by going overseas is that it does not automatically make you a 'super-christian'.

It is a fantastic experience, and I think that everyone should spend a few months in another country so as to get a better perspective on life…but upon starting some volunteer work, no halo appeared above my head.
…I am the same me, but God is stretching me out and molding me to become better.

Today I read Isaiah 30:15:

In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it. 

Key actions: repentance, rest, quietness, and trust.

According to God, these are important to salvation and strength.

These words are in response to stubborn Israel, who refused to hear that God was extending forgiveness, if only they would repent.

They were childish, pretty much covering their ears and singing, "la la la!"

…though I can't say that I haven't acted that way when I am convicted that I am doing something wrong.

I think of this verse as a four step process:

1)Repent of sins. It's like washing your hands, and it's a necessity to having a good communication line with God.

2) Rest. After you've laid your burdens and sin down before God, take time to just relax in the knowing that He has forgiven. The worries of this life should erase. What is more important than knowing that the LORD God of the UNIVERSE has forgiven all your sins and loves you unconditionally? I think this should bring some great peace.

3) Be quiet before Him. To simply be still is something that is much harder than it sounds. To free one's mind from all other distractions, well, for me, is very difficult. Today, I spent time dwelling on the wonderful attributes of God. When you take time to think about how excellent He is, it changes the perspective of everything. When you focus on God, it's just…wow!

4) Finally, trust. Knowing that God has got you and he never lets His righteous fall, should be the ultimate source of courage. You can't fail if you're trusting Him!

God has been giving me a lot to munch on lately concerning my service to Him. I've been learning that I need others to have the endurance to serve, and that the quality of my service is so much more important than the quantity. Really, it's all the same lesson, but it is being repeated in different ways.

Those Israelites refused to repent, rest, be quiet, and trust.

God longs to be gracious and loving. He wants to give you strength! But of course, He gives you the will to choose.

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;
He rises to show you compassion.
For the LORD is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for Him!

Isaiah 30:18

on the encouragement of others

Hebrews 3:13 

But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.

Picture this: I'm running. I'm sprinting. In Africa, of all places, the land of the super-runners.
I feel humble. Here I am, a little muzungu (white person) doing my best to run. I'm sure I'm red-faced and sweaty.
The Johnsons live on a loop, a perfect track for running.
It's shaped like a horseshoe, and it has a killer hill. It's also unpaved, so one has to be careful not to twist one's ankles on the big rocks.
It has been hard running, but lovely.

The other day, something happened.

Let me set this up by saying that everyone here who has valuables has a wall. And guards. And barbed wire.
So, every house looks like it could potentially be a prison.

The guards usually sit outside the gate.

So as I run past the guards, I wave and shout out a greeting. Ni Sawa?, Bonjour!, Sava? Ama Horo! or something of the sort.
They respond and smile.
I feel good about this, because if I were ever to have a stroke while running (my mind goes to such places when I'm feeling utterly worn out), they would at least know I was the red-headed muzungu who just waved and smiled and maybe they would help me.
Anyways, as I'm jogging along, feeling like sitting down for a rest, an old man yells out, "courage, courage!" [in a french accent]
It is amazing how those simple words boosted my morale.

My spirit was renewed.

It made me consider how I need that in real life, too.

Let me be totally honest: while I have been here, I have had some down moments. I have been discouraged. I've been sick. I have wondered what the plan is.

I have been learning how intrinsic the encouragement is to doing any sort of work for God. For even trying to function without words of support is nearly impossible for me!

I found Hebrews 3:13: Encourage one another as long as it is called today. 

Hey, guess what? It's always today.  ...I think that's the point.

When I have felt down, I pray that God will help me out. And he has sent the best encouragement. Friends have sent me sweet messages, and I remember that I am not alone in this.

It is amazing how encouragement has come just as I'm about to have a meltdown.

I have had 1 Corinthians 10:13 replaying over and over in my mind:

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear..."

When I am tempted to have a meltdown or a pity party or whatever, God sends just what I need: a loving word from a sibling in Christ. As I run this race, I need others to shout out, "courage, courage!" to me. And I hope that I can do the same for them. 


So my dear friends, take courage! God has got you. He has a plan. He knows what you can bear. He will give you endurance to run your race for Him.

Heart lessons...

Hey hey hey!

I feel like I have been on an internet diet. I miss blogging, but I've done my fair share of journaling. It actually makes me think about what I say before I post...and thus, I haven't posted much. Haha

Also, juggling two blogs is tricky.

I finally have a fast (mostly) connection, but it's 5 am in the states...and it's Saturday. So, you know, no one is really awake to chat.

I have been in Africa for three weeks now.
I am starting to miss things.
I miss my family.

SO MUCH.

I miss my friends, too.

I felt ever so slightly depressed when I logged on to facebook to see an empty wall, void of friendly posts.

I almost threw a pity party. But then I remembered that these people have lives too.

I have been adjusting to the culture.

This is an amazing opportunity, getting to live for a semester in another country. I am finding that it isn't so terribly different from the US, at least the people aren't. People are people, no matter the location.

There is much more poverty here. You see, poverty here means that you can't eat, not like in the USA, where poverty just means that you can't afford the latest and greatest gadget.

I've been working with little kids quite a bit. Little kids act universally the same. It's good to know. I haven't really been doing what I had expected to be doing (caring for babies and teaching) but I feel that I need to be trusting God and seeking out opportunities.

God has seriously been working on me. God has brought forward some very pertinent lessons as I've been here.
My devotional book seems to know what I need to be reading…

One evening as I was about to drift off, I read a bit.
Here's what I gleaned:

The world is a very needy place.

I don't need to go there for sustenance.

I should instead go to GOD to supply my needs.

It's terrible to think that I would use service opportunities to 'sustain' myself, but it's a place that I could easily fall.

I think of the story of Mary, Martha, and Jesus in Luke 10.
In sum-up: Jesus was visiting Mary and Martha. Martha was bustling about, preparing everything, and being an overall good hostess. Mary, her sister, was merely sitting and listening to what Jesus had to say.
Martha gets annoyed.
In a most immature fashion, she asks Jesus if He thinks Mary should be helping too:
"Lord don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work all by myself? Tell her to help me!"
Jesus replies:
"Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her."

Mary was all into service, but her heart was not in the right place.

It matters not so much the quantity of good deeds done for God as it does the quality of things done for Him.

It shouldn't matter if I have 10 ministries I'm participating in or just 1.

The important thing is to focus solely on Christ, and the service just springs up out of one's devotion to Him.

I was dwelling on this and then that Sunday morning, the preacher spoke for a bit on that very same passage.

I love when that happens!

He brought up Mary later anointing Jesus' feet and how she valued Christ above all else. That is easy to sing or say, but when you are faced with sacrificing a year's worth of wages from Him, well,

...things just got real.

I think it would be easy to get so wrapped up in service, that I miss the whole point of service.

It isn't about the volume of tasks I accomplish, it isn't about how great I look, it's about just being in God's presence and listening to Him for guidance. If there are tasks to be done, I will gladly do them, but I don't have to bustle bustle and rush rush and stress out and lose focus.

I must keep in mind that God doesn't need us to accomplish His will.

Rather, He grants us opportunity. He wants us to focus on Him, like Mary did.This lesson has been reverberating in my mind.

I want to choose what is better, and I know that it will not be taken from me.

At just the right time...

I have been writing on my other blog. But in case you're too busy to click the link to follow it, here's the latest news!

The visas came!!

What an answer to prayer! We were slightly worried that they would be delayed, and that there would be a major headache of reworking our departure date. 

My trip thus far has been so filled with faith-building moments -- it is insane how many little things come together at just the right time.

It's evident that God is the one in control. If I learn nothing else in the next four months (doubtful because I think I am going to learn some major lessons), I have definitely learned that HE HAS GOT THIS.
I don't know how many times I need to repeat that phrase to myself in order for it to stick in my brain.
My sinful self just wants to stress out and worry over things, I guess. My peabrain mind can't just let God have it. 

He is going to accomplish things at just the right time.
Not my time, His time.

It reminds me of this:

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. (Romans 5:6)

It is awesome how many 'right times' I've been able to experience in the past few weeks.
Remembering the most important right time, Christ's death for me, is something that resets my focus and fills me with an unexplainable joy and peace.

Heartsong

"Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks"

Have you ever had a song of joy overtake you? You reach a moment where you are full-to-overflowing with God's goodness and the realization of His vast blessing and love. You get to the point where you want to do nothing but praise Him. You feel like you can just SEE.
The moments like that are so precious to me. The moments of clarity and focus are amazing.

But then there are the days when you feel far away. You don't have that same spiritual high.
For a while, I thought that, as a child of God, that I should always be exuberant and full of excitement over God's blessing. I thought that I should always hear from Him, and that I should always feel so close to His throne.

Not true. There comes times when it feels like God is silent. There comes times when one feels directionless and unsure. There comes times when there is... fog.

I think the times of "silence" can come from sin or breakage of fellowship with God, for sure, but I think that they can also be times of testing: trust God implicitly, or go ahead with my own plans?

I had a time of not hearing from God. I don't know if you have been through that, but when you are seeking His direction, and the options seem foggy, it's tough.

This winter, I really wanted to serve God overseas in the spring semester. I feel like the experience would majorly grow me and shape me into a better servant.
I prayed that a door would open, and I knocked on some doors.

There were moments when I thought I could see the light, and I felt like God was showing the way.

When I had emailed Melli Johnson in Burundi, I felt very very strongly that Africa was the right direction. I can't really explain it, (and while I get annoyed when people say that they "just knew"), I have to say that I just knew that was where God wanted me. It was as if there was a magnetic pull. If there had been a "where-I-feel-drawn detector", and I waved it over the earth, it would have gone bezerk when I passed over Burundi.

Well, over Christmas break, some people and circumstances made me look at the realities of travel to Africa. They reminded me of the danger, the turmoil, the fact that I'm a super-white girl...

I had a few other discouragements. I was disappointed that the door I had felt so sure of was closing.
I trusted that God knew what was best and prayed for guidance. I felt like my direction was foggy.

But it wasn't a closed door!!
Not really. 

It was a lesson in trusting.

After prayer, and seeking, and giving it all up to God, after a month, I finally knew the answer.

The fog was lifted and I KNEW that Africa was where I was called.

Now that I am preparing, I remind myself that it is NOT about me. It is NOT about anything I can bring to the table at all.

It is all about God and how He can use me. I want to be utterly and irrevocably His servant. I want to love deeply and remember that everything I do is for the sake of Christ. I am but clay in His hands. He protects, prepares, and provides.

I forget so easily what Jesus has done for me to make me his own. I forget that sin isn't something to be glossed over.

I want the overflow of my heart to show where my true love lies.

all things for my good

I'm working on a blog for updates on my upcoming trip!
I'll still have this blog here for personal anecdotes and ramblings and... whatever it is that I do on here. But I know that not everyone wants to scroll through the silliness.

The URL for the update/prayer request site is http://burundibound.blogspot.com/ 

.....
Have you ever had a supernaturally good day?
Yesterday was for me.
It sounds almost crazy, but there were so many "coincidences" that just worked together perfectly, it was awesome.

It was the kind of day that makes you want to just shout out a "Hallelujah!"


God works all things out for the good of those who love Him, and yesterday it was so evident. 

Someone must have been praying for me.

Romans 8:28 comes to mind.

 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

on (metaphorical) monkeys and apes

Admittedly, I am like this song:

(I'm sorry you have to pause the playlist in the sidebar to hear this properly...I was feeling like my blog needed some ambiance music, so the return of the autoplay has come.)

When I think about things, I tend to see them as either monkeys or apes. 

Things either are, or they are not, down to the little details. I guess you'd call it fundamental of sorts.

If it has a tail, it's a monkey. If it doesn't have a tail, then it's an ape. Duhh!

In my mind, I think that there is no unknown space. But like Larry, I eventually make a fool of myself in my attempts to classify everything.

God has been working on my extremist way of thinking. 

I am learning that not everything is so black and white. 

Within the body of Christ, there is diversity, and that is awesome. 

I mean, of course there are still definite things that are no-nos, but as Galatians 5:1 says:

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

In a Christian's life, there are disputable issues that can be handled one way or another without being considered "wrong". 

I struggle with the attitude of, "such-and-such is right, therefore you are wrong, so buckle up and let's change."  Judging others is one of my major flaws I work on daily.

It's a terrible attitude to have, I know. 

I think it comes with being an oldest child, the one who feels like they know everything [or need to know everything...] 

(I'm sure, if you are a younger sibling, you know how oldest siblings are all too well. If you're like me, an oldest child, and you're still in denial, you are wrong. It's true. You know it deep down that you want to be always right. It's normal, never fear.)

The big lesson I am learning: It's not about the legalism. 

My faith isn't dependent on whether or not I "believe" in dating, which, as you may know, is a pretty hot button issue.

My faith doesn't rely on the fact that we have meetings on Sunday at 9:30 and 11.

It doesn't matter if I believe that it's okay for men to not wear suits on Sunday morning. 

It doesn't matter if I believe that drums and guitars have a place in church. Or if I believe that it's okay to raise hands during worship. 

It doesn't matter if I think it's bad to listen to secular music.

I could go on, but you get the idea.

All of that stuff? It's really irrelevant. 

It doesn't determine if you're a monkey or an ape. 

In Romans 14, Paul totally backs me up (the whole chapter is amazing and convicting, but I'll just post bits of it): 

"     ... One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God.  For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.  For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.  You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. It is written:    “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me;    every tongue will acknowledge God.’”   So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.   Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean. If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died.  ...For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval.   Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food.  ...So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin."

There is only one black and white to be concerned about.

That last sentence there: everything that does not come from faith is sin. 


Woah.

Think about that.

If my focus shifts from what Paul calls, "disputable matters", and rather focuses on what really matters, I don't have to wonder if something is good or not. I don't have to get bogged down in the minutia. 

Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. 

Having a relationship with God and striving to please Him is all that truly matters. I'm not supposed to compare myself to others and judge them for their perceived "weakness". My goal is instead to always act in faith. When I read that, I felt a strong conviction. I need to be so sold out on Christ that every action, every move I make, is in Him. I need to readjust my focus. 

Life isn't about going to college, getting a job, being successful. 

Life isn't about finding a special someone, a love of my life.

Life isn't about how popular and well-liked I become. 

All of those things are nice, and frosting on the cake. 

But they are not what's important. 

Life is about serving God and being a part of His work. 

Life is about growing in my relationship to Him, knowing Him better. 

Life is about looking ahead towards the eternity of happiness, of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

That's definitely something to work on.

accountability?

The past week has been full of rushing.
Here there everywhere, getting as much as possible done...

Today, I have nothing set on my schedule.

Well, almost nothing.
I have a long list of things I would very muchly like to get accomplished. Instead, I am sitting here typing on my blog. It seems like as one gets older, the things that need to get accomplished gets longer too. Sometimes it feels like an insurmountable thing. I have many aspirations. Making myself do the things that must be done is hard.


Today, my body just wants to chill. I want to be lazy.
As you might have seen yesterday, I felt sick. No excuse, I knowww.


I thought it was the food I ate, but as the day progressed, I still felt sick and so tired.

...I think it's just exhaustion.

ah, I love relaxing. But enough is enough. I want to be accomplished.

I want to look back on the day and be impressed at my gutzpah to make things happen. I've been semi productive today. 

Not good enough.


I did reorganize a few things in my room. I have a TON of makeup. It is INSANE. I took time today to actually organize it.
Seriously! look at how many chapsticks I have. This doesn't even include my lip glosses. Apparently, I have a fetish of sorts. After I took this, I found a few more sticks in my drawer.
...I could be a school nurse.

I also have many, many books.
Now that I have a kindle, I wish that I could just transfer all of those books over to digital format. I would have sooo much more space! Sadly, one has to actually buy the books one wants digitally, and that gets pricey. Lamesauce. I feel like if I've bought the books once, I shouldn't have to buy them again.


I also have many many other things that just don't like to be organized. I'm too stinking blessed, that's all.  I could just blame the disorder all on entropy. But I'm not a fatalist, thank goodness.


Anywho, I think that if I post online, it will motivate me.

I am going to seriously do some stuff, okay? Just wait, I'll let you know how it goes. Hold me accountable, blog!

Also, if you haven't realized it yet, I am immature. As I get older, I realize how not-grown-up I am. I have sooo much to learn.


Africa is happening soon! Eeeeeeeek! SO EXCITING. Please keep praying, or please pray for me, if you think of it.
I was reminded of Mark 11:23:

"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.

hope and complaints

Oh the things that must come together.
I can easily let myself freak out, because you see, there are lots of little worries I could dwell on. Details, details!
Thank goodness that God has got me, and that His will is going to be done. I'm admittedly a little bit of a control freak, I like to have the plan set and good to go. God is teaching me to trust Him. He has been faithful thus far, I know that He will continue to be. Thinking about it makes me exuberant.

Everything I need thus far is in place, now I have to wait for a few things (out of my control) to happen.

Also, I ate something this morning that has me feeling s.i.c.k.

All I know is that I want to curl up into a ball and sleep off this horrid feeling.

Instead, I'm off to work.

I'll fake feeling good till I actually feel it.

I positively hate this dull nausea.

I don't want to eat again for a long time. A VERY LONG TIME.

But God is still good, and this feeling isn't anything compared to what could be. I know it'll wear off in a few hours...
But it's a downer.