Of nerves and singing

I used to be not big on the whole "get on a stage" thing.
Public speaking? It gave me (and sometimes still gives me) the jitters.

In my thinking, stages were things to be of which to be frightened (just a healthy fear, you know)

If it's a character I'm portraying in a play or skit, let me at it! I love acting on stages. If I'm supposed to be a goofball? I'm sooo good at that.

But if it's me, no facade, up on a stage, I used to have a hard time.
Whenever I do get the chance to be on a stage as myself...well...I'm just not a fan. I'd get jittery and shaky. My hands got cold and my face gets warm.
Usually the chances I've had to be onstage as myself have been in the capacity of singing.

Which so happens to be another thing I'm not very confident in.

How do I go through with it?
The secret is faith.
When I'm relying on God, I find that I actually don't mind it (the singing and the being on stage).

God says he's with me, always, even when I feel like I'm on display for all the world to see. (ESPECIALLY then.)

I find that I can chillax in the realization that it's all for His glory.
No stress in that!
I'm not up there for me. I'm not up there to be judged.
I'm up there because I want to worship God.
When I finally get that fact into my noggin, most of the nerves vanish. I'm all right.
It's pretty much awesome how it works.

The same thing has happened before. At camp last summer, I was asked to lead the worship music.  I agreed, because I had done it before, and I really do like that sort of thing, but it still wigged me out. I was supposed to go up there by myself and lead worship. Before it had been a group.
Oh boy.

I'm not a confident singer when I feel self-conscious.

After a load of prayer and practice, the camp week came.
Then it was time for the opening evening service.
Oh boy.
I got on stage.
I talked to the campers, we had announcements.
We sang songs of worship to God together.
And that was all.
It was that simple.

It was an awesome feeling. Not because I was on a stage, not because I wasn't messing up (oh man, there were some flubs) but because, we were all praising God.

I wasn't thinking about me.


That experience totally built my faith up. If I had been up there in my own ability, I would have been a wreck. But when I trusted that it would be ok because it was for God, it went fantastically smooth.

Sounds a little hokey, but seriously, getting that privilege to lead worship was awesome. It seems like God takes the things that one feels insufficient in, and uses them.
Just so I can't say, "look, I'm really great! I have so much talent, right?"

Rather so I can say, "WOW, look at what God can do if you just trust and rely on him to carry you!"

God has given me God-confidence, and now (so long as I'm keeping it real and not letting my ego explode) I'm not so very frightened of the stage.

And that's all I have to say about that right now.

Finding meaning in the mainstream

I am always analyzing songs.
I don't know if it would be considered a hobby, but I'm doing it constantly. If you see me staring off into the distance, my mind is by no means blank. I'm thinking about a few different things. If I were to elaborate, you might think them unconnected or "random".
I could lead you down a logic trail, and you'd totally understand. I am not random.

Anywho, this lyrics thing in my head is like... is like... it's like a background application that constantly runs on your computer and occasionally pops up with an update at annoying times.

I think that this could be a viable career path for me. I'll importantize and over-analyze lyrics and make them have deep meaning.

So today, I was thinking about the arrogance of Michael Buble's "Haven't Met You Yet"
How can it be arrogant??

"I'm not surprised, not everything lasts

I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track

Talk myself in, I talk myself out

I get all worked up, then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it

I came up with a million excuses

I thought, I thought of every possibility

I might have to wait, I'll never give up

I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck

Wherever you are, whenever it's right

You'll come out of nowhere and into my life...

...And I know someday that it'll all turn out

You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out

And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet"

Also, his music video for this song was TERRIBLE.

Well, among other things, by singing this song, he's basically disregarding all of the girls he has already met.
Maybe he has gone through and determined that among all of his acquaintances, they aren't "the ones to meet".

I highly doubt it.

How cheeky of him.

Wouldn't it be terrible for him to find out that the "one to meet" has already been met? Just like in the rom-coms, the girl-next-door who has had the eternal crush on him is "the one".

Humble Pie, anyone?

It may be unlikely, but still. How embarrassing for him.
 NEVER say never.

On one hand, the song could be seen as sweet, on the other, well...

I do like the sweet side of it.

I suggest that he should have changed his phrasing from "
I Just Haven't Met You Yet"

to:

"I Just Am Not Totally Aware of You or of the Impact that You'll Have on My Future Happiness Yet"


...something along those lines.
But that doesn't sell as well. It's not as catchy.

I can hear you telling me that it's just a song.
I need to get a life, right?
Sorry, I'm educating the masses about song lyric errors.

Feel free to comment with your thoughts... *smile*

(don't) kiss me

Well, the irony is crazy.
This irony makes me laugh ...soundlessly.
Why soundlessly, you ask?

If I tell you, it will cause you to pity me, I'm sure. {At least I hope it will. DO pity me.}

To set the stage: I've been learning some new tunes on the guitar. Last week, my sister and I sang "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer. We sang it a few times in a row. We even went so far as to sing it for others to hear.

You reap what you sow.

I didn't plan on actually kissing anyone. You know this, right?

Strangely and sadly enough, I have the KISSING SICKNESS.

Ewwwwww.....
*Dun, Dun, Duuuuuuunnn*
How can this be?
All I did was sing about kissing.
Maybe I should go whisper-sing about NOT kissing. Would that help??

I've been sick quite a few times in the past few months off and on.
All of the viruses have had the same complications and symptoms.
Annnnnd, the symptoms match up with mono.
My voice is gone.
My head is throbbing.
My lymph nodes are swollen.
I'm not hungry.
I ache.
I also have a propensity to complain via blog. (the tell-tale symptom)

Sorry. I don't mean to take it out on you. But since I can't vocalize my feelings, typing about them helps.

...I read "Hard Times" by Charles Dickens today. I hadn't read it before. It was a good read, but sad and a bit depressing. Not the best "get well book"
It made me thankful to live now rather than in Victorian England. I'm blessed to not simply have facts.


In order to redeem this post, that is to make it somewhat readable and a smidgen entertaining, I will tell you about a hobby of mine. [Prepare for major geekiness.]

I have a garden growing in my room.
It is a modest garden, but it adds a sense of homeyness and happy.
Okay, it's a collection of houseplants.
But they are so fun!

...I can see you rolling your eyes.
Stop.

If you were allergic to almost every animal, you'd love plants too.


In order to personify them, I have named them. Some of them even have baby plants now. aww...
There is my crazy colored plant that turned out to be two plants in one pot. Bonus! After separating them, I decided to call it "Duran" and "Duran". Good band and good plants.

Then there's my dappled aloe plant that goes by the name of Fitzgerald.
It has grown two aloe-ettes that have been transplanted.

There's two baby sunflowers that are growing rapidly. Who knew that you could grow sunflowers inside? Turns out, it's entirely feasible

...I hope.

Anywho, I missed homework help, due to my sickness. There was still sunshine and rainbows tonight, because Noella {who is an amazing girl} made me and my sister a picture.
Have I mentioned that I love art?

"Get well Miss Makenzie and Savennah." 

In other news, today, as Mom was slicing potatoes for potato soup, she found a hollow cavity that looks like a heart in one of the potatoes. Just in time for... 

Also my beautiful bed arrived today! It looks princessy, but it does NOT have a pea under the mattress  (I checked) 

I think I'll go make use of it. I'm so groggy. 

Might as well SING

Singing makes everything fun.
Until you get on someone's nerves. Luckily for me, that did not happen today (the getting on the nerves part)
I did get to sing. I belted out notes. FUN.

Strumming the guitar + singing = super fun.

I aim to be the next Dolly Parton.  I think "country" could be my niche.
{If you've heard me sing, you know this is all conjecture. Please let me have my delusions...}

I am SO good with the country persona. I just love poofy hair, and I've grown up with the music. I've got the singing patterns down, darlin.
I even
(wait for it)
have a cowgirl hat.

Though I try to deny it sometimes, I'm truly a southern girl.

If you know me, it's pretty blatant. *wink*

I favor charm and hospitality. Always be polite. If my momma has taught me anything, it's civility towards others EVEN if they so happen to cut me in line. {I smile and politely tell them off.}

After visiting other areas of the country, I've realized how kind southerners are in comparison to the rest of the nation. There is some sort of unsaid code of the South that everyone {for the most part} understands.
I think in the old days it was called "manners", "courtesy" or "civility". Somehow it's been lost.
I don't know what's happened, but I do know (and this is a trick of the trade) that you'll always catch more flies with honey.

[not that I want to attract flies per se. It's a metaphor...but you aren't a literalist like me, so you don't need that explained...]


I'm no redneck, but living in the south sure has shaped me.

A few of my good friends growing up were YANKEES, so that helped to nullify some of the southernness and made me a more "well-rounded" individual. I also picked up on their funny accent.

Know what? [Prepare for another factoid about me]

I used to DETEST the southern accent.

Such an odd thing. It's like I'm denying my heritage. For shame, I could blend right in if need be. I prefer not to use that special skill.

Hey, there's an idea for a dire circumstance.
If ever I'm running from the law, I'll find me a nice place out in the country {with a couple coon dogs thrown in}. I could work at wall-mark. I'd hand out stickers. {Not that there's anything wrong with that}
I know the culture, like it or not.

Even BETTER, I could be a translator for the southern-speakers. The everyday people of the south can talk to the everyday people of everywhere else.

 I found my job niche. I didn't even have to go to college!


I was talking with an older couple (obviously southern) in a rural Bojangles (best. southern fast food. ever.) and they asked if I was from up North. The older gentleman said that I talked fancy.
Me?!? Talk funny?!? Never.

AND THEN, someone else (at a different place and time) said that my southern accent must be fake, because it "didn't fit with my personality" or something like that.
LIBEL. He didn't know any better, bless his heart.

Ladies and Gentleman, my accent is FOR REAL. It comes naturally.
You'd better believe it. After spending a week in a more rural southern area, my accent comes out strong.

I have been speaking with more southern intonations lately. It's becoming a habit.
I think it's fun. I can randomly say phrases like, "bless your heart" or "now listen" into my everyday speaking.

Sometimes I throw in some British. Not in with the Southern though. Ewww.

(The British Accent Collection is a work in progress. I was happy to get some feedback from real live people actually from the UK. It was exciting.)

Naturally, I speak with pretty much a broad "accentless" accent. The one that comes with living in an urban area...

One of my life goals is becoming a master of seeming indigenous.
Not to become a wall-flower or to be weird, but just to be fun.
It's like a personal sociology project or something...

I love studying people and their mannerisms to create characters for sketches or entertainment.

That's not weird is it?

New LP and a stroll through my memory...

I LOVE SHOPPING. What girl doesn't?!?

Resale shops are my favorite. It's like an awesome adventure. You never know what neat stuff you'll discover (at a discount, no less).

The Mall is life-sucking an okay place to shop. Every few months I'll go there to remind myself of commercialism, materialism, salesmanship, and the inherent dangers of credit cards ("Would you like to apply for our super-fun, high-interest rate credit-card? You'll save 10% and the card is sparkly...")

Today we went to the mall. After wandering about for a few hours, I was happy to leave the death trap the mall.

Although I did get some cute winter stuff (ON SALE)...and a caribou coffee.

The mall does have its place.

But what I am really pumped about is my new vinyl from Ed McKay (a simply wonderful bookstore).

UB40.
Reggae is fun stuff.

This picture is crazy, but it captures the moment of "reggae realization"

I'm currently listening to it. It's a nice change from my ipod.
Playing music from a record is an experience. You actually have to set the needle and flip the LP after three songs. Skipping songs takes some precision...shuffle is unheard of. You actually have to pick music out. The machine won't choose for you. Woah. This is radical.

The album I bought is called "Little Baggariddim"


hahahaha. Try saying that out loud. Little Baggariddim.
I dare you not to smile.

If you didn't smile, try saying it with a Creole accent.

Still not smiling?

Wow, you're a tough cookie.


My new purchase has started me on a resurge of listening to my LP's.
I have quite a collection. It ranges from the beatles to blondie to the beach boys... There's even some classical music in there (boston pops orchestra, anyone?).

Just another random fact about yours truly.
.....

Another random fact:

For about two years, I was a Chick-fil-a employee. I learned the ropes, and knew the regulars pretty well. Not so much by name, but by orders. 

Humans are creatures of habit.

"A #1 with provolone cheese and a large diet lemonade?" 

I knew what the customer was going to order. There was one gentleman who only ordered a 6-piece kids meal with a side salad, honey mustard dressing, one barbecue, one ranch and one cfa sauce. 

He would get an adult sweet tea "with a splash of lemonade and not too much ice." 

He was very specific about it. He'd peek around the counter to make sure everything was just so. I found him amusing. He'd always double-check the bag, even after I'd assured him it was all there. 

There were countless others who had their "signature meal". I had them all memorized. 

Weird, right?

I thought I had forgotten; it's been almost a year since I worked at CFA (I quit for school reasons... and the fact that I am allergic to peanut oil fumes...not fun), but strangely I still have these people and their orders INGRAINED IN MY BRAIN.

Talk about useless random trivia.

Today when I went shopping, I visited the same mall where I used to work. 

Guess what?

In almost every store I went in to, I saw a chick-fil-a regular working.

...I remembered their orders.

(They didn't recognize me, of course, since I didn't have my hair back in a ponytail, and I was not in the burgundy uniform with the silver nametag...) 

.

It was odd. I think I could have freaked some people out by randomly telling them what they order (or used to order) at Chick-fil-a. 

But I didn't, because I don't really enjoy creeping people out like that.

caffeine! yay yay yay!!!!!!

Oh yes! Daddy bought coffee beans for the cappuccino maker...

Oh but don't worry about me. I'm not falling off the bandwagon. Nope.

Like Mark Twain said [insert coffee for smoking]:

"Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times."

I'm good. Really.

Changing the subject.

I'm learning some new songs for the guitar. I'm stoked about that. Now if I could only get my voice to cooperate. Pesky cough.

Speaking of singing,
have you heard of  Eric Whitacre's Virtual Choir? (click on his name to visit one of his youtube videos)
Well, my friend who shall remain nameless {just know that she's awesome} talked me into singing a part with her.
This is going to be fun. Look for my tiny picture in the upcoming video. *wink*

And now I will leave you with an anecdote that reflects my great-aunt's personality:

My great-aunt Louise was in the kitchen with my mom, my aunt, my great-uncle, and me. 

I had been serving cake and coffee.

 My mom called me "her little Martha" [referring to the woman in the Bible]. 

My great-aunt doesn't miss a thing. She said, "she is an awful lot like Martha Stewart, isn't she?" 

We just smiled.