All I want is everything.

Here we go. Seven wants. Are you ready for this? You'd better be, because I am off-schedule with the ten day challenge. So sorry.

1. I want to be a girl after God's heart. Being a light, no matter where I go. Being a person who holds to her conviction and shows Jesus-love to everyone. Basically, a sold-out girl for God.
2. I want to develop my hobbies into skills. I am terrible about picking something up, getting intensely interested in it, and then forgetting/not having time to continue. Case and point, youtube videos, photography, drama, music...and *cough*blogging*cough* I love all of these things, I just don't have the time to work on them until I become pro. 
3. I want to do the crazy stuff. What I mean by this is, no regrets. I want to live, and because this life is so (relatively) short, I want to be bold and keep an eternal perspective. 
4. I want to cultivate relationships and be a better friend. In this 24/7, connectivity-crazed world, you'd think it would be easy to stay-in-touch/develop friendships. But, in my experience, people are so busy, we never get to talk about deep things that actually matter. I want to know my friends, not just what their witty tweet says. 
5. Okay, since this is all about wants and not needs, I'll do the obvious one: I want to travel. I don't really know of many people who don't want to travel the world, I am not in that category. I want to see the beauty of God's creation and capture it on film. 
6. Here are the insane want wants: to speak every language, master every accent, write a book, save the world from gluttony and starvation, put out a cd and tour the country, take pictures for national geographic, run a marathon, and lose these horrible allergies.
7. This one seems counter-to-the-point, but, I want to know what I want. I am pretty much indecisive when it comes to making up my mind. Brian Regan does a bit about donuts, and how crazy people are when they order them, changing their minds and going bezerk. When I have to make a decision, I'm almost like that, but not quite that insane: 

Tell me what you want, what you really really want...

I wanna, I wanna...I really really really wanna...

Enough of the spice girls.

I have many wants. Too many.
I shall narrow them down to just 7 and get back to you shortly.
In case you forgot (it has been almost a whole week), I'm doing the 10 day you challenge:

Oh, and here's an update as to what's going on with me:
After I go compete in a math contest, sell makeup, and complete a few mountains of homework, I'll get back to you. Maybe.
I'm bemused as to why I agreed to this math contest. As you might know, I don't like math unless it's science-based math (and not physics)
I may have just completely gone off my rocker (and become über-nerdy)
*shrug*
I am also forgetting to eat as of late.

I do not have an eating disorder (...that's what they all say, I know)
I just so happen to be absent-minded about such things.

You'd think my stomach would be better at reminding me.

My stomach is totally slacking off on the job.

Also, I was reminded of just how faithful God is to me and that He does have a plan.
I've been struggling lately with feeling like I have purpose.
I've been feeling, well, apathetic about life in general. God is seriously good. The other day, He reminded me that I am called to serve and to follow. He gave me a wake-up call. ...maybe I'll blog about it later, after this math-ese.

FINALLY...eight fears

I am fearless, or so I've been told.
When it comes to dare-devil stunts, I'm all for it.
I like adrenaline rushes.
I may scream, but I do love it. 
Jumping off of things? Yes.
Climbing up high on things? Yes.
Trying new things? Yes. 
I have numerous stories concerning my love of being daring. I also have the physical evidence.

I am also one of those girls who does NOT scream at the sight of bugs and snakes.

What do I fear?
Nothing.


(A boldfaced lie, I assure you)

I don't really want to share my fears. Once they're written out, I think that they'll just be silly and dumb. Ok, there we go: I'm afraid of exposing my weaknesses to the world. 

My fears are more emotionally based. I guess that's normal, since I am a girl.
These fears are stupid, I admit, and not terribly serious, but we are getting them out of the way so we can move on to the fun stuff. 

1. I'm afraid of things that are purely malicious. The reason I'm not afraid of bugs and snakes is because they aren't inherently malicious. They have their own agenda, and they're just trying to do their own thing. They only hurt you if you threaten them. Really: At camp this summer there was a proliferation of honey bees/wasps. I taught my campers that if you were calm, the bees were calm. I let bees and wasps crawl on my hand, and I've never been stung. Now if these things are after me for no reason, then I might just flip out. Also, in that vein, I'm a bit afraid of people who dislike me for no apparent reason. 
2. I'm afraid of losing my health. Now, by this, I don't mean getting sick or coming down with a disease that I can't prevent, but I mean being unhealthy and fat and totally being able to help it. American gluttony just grosses me out! This is a superficial fear, I know, but it's one that has given me nightmares. Just look at peopleofwalmart.com, you'll see what I mean.
3.  I'm scared of the future. Yes, I know that God holds the future, and that He does work everything for my good, but here's the deal: I'm afraid of being outside of His will and screwing up big time. i.e., turning someone away from Him. That is probably fear #1.
4. I guess I should admit that (like every other single girl) I'm scared of finding "the one". How will I know? What if I'm mistaken? what if there isn't a "one", but I have to choose? I have this recurring nightmare in which I end up with this terrible guy (and I have no choice, ahh!)...or I dream that I never get married. Both scenarios make me sad.  And I do have to say, this is a silly fear.  I am still young, and God is totally in control and His timing is perfect. But still, I think I would hate to be wed to a out-of-shape guy named Bubba who doesn't relate to me on any level. (and just watch, this fear will come true)
5. I fear incompetence. As you may well know, I'm a perfectionist in my own right. I want to be good enough to do anything I set my mind to do. I don't like talking myself up, because I know that there is always someone better at what I'm doing.
6. I fear harming others, emotionally or physically. Even when it comes to animals; I'm loathe to squish a bug. Now if it's self-defense, I can totally do some damage. Watch out, mosquitoes!
7. I fear the unknown. Suspense makes me jump like you wouldn't believe. Just wait, one of these days I'll just have a heart attack from shock.
8. Andd finally, I fear not making the most of every opportunity, not obeying God's calling, and ignoring the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Now THAT is my biggest fear.

There. I'm done.

nine loves.

I'm losing sight of the point of the Ten-Day-Challenge. It's going to take more than ten days, but I was never one for following the rules, especially rules that make no sense.
I can go at my own pace, thank you.
What, is it like there are Ten Day You Challenge police?
Doubtful.
And, I know that thus far, my lists are not very organized or efficient.
If this bothers you, remember, c'est la vie (best phrase for everything).

Now, to give you a refresher of the challenge, I posted the picture.
I am now on nine loves.
I have more than nine loves. This is a dilemma.
So, I think you know that I love my family muchly, I love my amazing friends, and you know that above all, I love God. Those will not appear on the list, because they are a given. If you did not know that these were a given, shame on you.

I will try to make this list more readable.

Without further ado, nine loves:

1. Warmth, particularly summer. If summer is not around, I insist upon warm, cozy jackets, scarves, sweaters and anything that will keep me from freezing to death. (...no, I will not get fat just to stay warm) I'm similar to a frog who requires much moisture to thrive. I'm a baby about cold weather. I would like to live in perpetual summer. 
2. Foods that go with the season. I would say one particular food, but as we're transitioning from summer to winter, my favorite foods are changing. I will always love my mom's cooking, though. She can whip some good stuff up fast! The other day, she made onion soup in about 20 minutes. She made it from scratch, and it was the best stuff. It smelled heavenly. Heaven should have a roasted garlic and sauteed onions area.
3. Going on adventures. An adventure can be just about anything. If there's a mundane task I don't want to do, I tell myself that it'll be an adventure, and that I should look for some sort of humor/happiness in said task. I also like games that are made up on the spot to make lame things more fun. It also makes me feel like a winner, and I love winning. (Hey, this was a twofer! I win.)
4. Earrings. I have a massive collection of earrings. They're my favorite jewelry, and they dress up any outfit.
5. Laughing. Who doesn't love laughing? I usually laugh at situational irony/"smart people humor". But I laugh at things that my sisters just deem as "way nerdy". Dry humor is the best. When I meet someone who has dry, satirical wit, I'm pretty sure that we're kindred spirits.  John Cleese and I? We're tight. (you should watch "How to Irritate People")
6. Animals that don't make me sneeze. I'm allergic to dogs and cats and pretty much anything with fur. It makes me sad, because I love animals. Every so often, I'll meet a dog that doesn't give me hives, but it's a rare, rare, rare occurrence. This is why I have a snake. 
7. Small-town folk. People from small towns are usually the friendliest people ever. 
8. Shopping, but not in the normal way. I shop for Deals, and I have found many a good deal. Thrifting is awesome and an adventure, so I love it doubly. 
9. annnnnd the last love, (but not the final love, because I could go on listing and listing..but the final love for this post) I love my readers/followers. Yes, you. You, one of the fabulous people who read my posts, are awesome. I applaud you for sticking around.

Secrets finished up!

So as I attempt to list ten secrets about myself (who knew it would be so hard?), I have come down to 1&2. Finallllly, right?

Also, the past few days, I have been fighting off a cold. Right now, the cold is winning. The past few days, as I was warding said virus off, I was typing. I am having a hard time forming coherent thought, and for some reason, my fnigres want to hit teh rwnog keys. (you see what I did there?)

Secret #2: I am reserved.
This isn't a secret so much, but the fact that I often wish that my personality was different, is kind of a secret.
I wish I was that person who is/was the life of the party. I sometimes wish that when I speak, that every word from my mouth would be a gem of wit, both charming and hilarious to everyone. 
My bent is to be more of the fringe: friends with a vast majority, but not the center of any one group.
It takes me a while to warm up to people. I've been told that I'm hard to get to know. I wish I could be one of the sort that you feel like you've known forever (though you've just met)
If we ARE friends though, we are friends. Forever. Pretty much.

Along with that, secret #1...
drumroll, please...
 I don't believe in cliques. 
Actually, I hate cliques. I know they exist, but they make me sad.

I have been around them, and they are total fun-suckers. The people in them act all happy, but in that, they blind themselves to everyone else, especially the newcomers.
Seriously. I know I sound like an anti-social dork, but cliques are one thing that I would abolish if I could.
You may have no idea what a clique can do to an excluded person's self-esteem.
I like to think that I transcend cliques, but who knows? 

Whew, as hard as it is for me to articulate my thoughts while not on cold medicine, I'm surprised that you've read this far while I am on this drug that dulls the coughing.
Kudos for you. Virtual (germ-free!) hi-five!