Deal with it?

Deal with it

My eyes have been mega sensitive to the sun the past week or so. I'm pretty much at the point of the link above. I spent the whole day in shades. 

Oh say! I'm happy.

As I've been back from Africa, I am realizing how much STUFF I have. It's great and all....but I don't need so much of it.
It is time to purge.

Also, I am happy for a few reasons:

1) I now have a bike. A nice classic road bike.
At my church there is a nice older man who loves to bike...and set other people up with bikes. He had an old school Ladies Schwinn road bike he said I could have to use for commuting around school.
I have not ridden a bike in ages, so this past week, I've been getting back into the saddle.

I will not say that I'm super fast or that I have super endurance... but I'm content with getting in a good cardio workout. (Plus, that thing is going to be a lifesaver at school)

2) I now have a desk. A nice, vintage-y, student desk. Last week, I bought a desk from IKEA. It looked nice online...upon opening the box, I discovered it was ALL PARTICLEBOARD and it didn't seem very sturdy. I was so frustrated.
Beyond annoyed.
Words can not describe.
I checked craigslist again (I had been hunting on there days before and hadn't found a thing) and I found a cutesy desk for 1/3 of the price of the cheapo IKEA desk.
AND it's all wood.
AND it has butterfly drawer-pulls.
Score.

I have not yet written about my lifetime longing for a desk.

So here it is: I have wanted a little desk for a long time.
There. Written.
I have visions of writing great novels while seated at a desk -- Or actually penning letters to people (I'm terrible about it!).
I'll feel more like a profesh blogger when I type posts while seated at my desk. (first post written from my desk!)
At the least, I have visions of having a nice place to store my school supplies. [I have a love of office supplies: hilighters, post-it notes, index cards...]


3) I have 2 whole weeks of freedom before school starts. I've been catching up with friends, and it has been awesome.


4) Most importantly, I am loved by God. This is a reason to be joyful any day. Even when I'm not "happy" I still have hope because of this.
It doesn't matter what crummy mistakes I make in life, what crummy things have happened to me, He is always there to love on me.
He has also mega-blessed me with wonderful family. I don't know where I'd be if my parents weren't as great as they are.

5) I have a coffee in hand. Today, I have a headache. I have had a headache the past few days, and meds just do enough to take the edge off. I went out shopping with my sunglasses on, because my eyes are so darn sensitive to light today.
It might be all in my head, but I think I got some funny looks from people. I don't really care anymore about what the general public thinks of me. Africa kinda helped to get rid of inhibition.

Maybe I'm becoming a vampire.

Wait...Wait...

My sister's dog, Roca, is pretty smart.

I've taught Roca a few tricks (and as my sister would dispute, WE have taught her tricks)

One of the most entertaining is the "Wait" trick.

"wait", I tell her. She sits down and stares at me expectantly. She knows whats coming...

I hold the treat bag in hand and pull out an odoriferous treat.
I place it in front of Roca.
To me it smells not so great, but to her...you can just tell,
She wants that treat. She wants that treat now.
"Wait.", I repeat.

Amazingly, our dog has the willpower to not eat the treat. She even averts her eyes so that she isn't tempted. She holds gaze with me, waiting for permission to scarf down the treat.

This is a representation. My dog is not quite that talented yet...

"Okay!"
As soon as those words leave my lips, Roca gobbles up the treat.

It was such a perfect reminder to me.

There are some things that God tells me "wait" about. They're much bigger and better than a milkbone treat, and He has better reasons for having me wait than just for an entertaining trick. Just as Roca trusts that I'll eventually tell her, "okay!", I trust that my Father will tell me when I can stop waiting.

Love these verses:

Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.
~Psalm 27:14

But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
~Isaiah 40:31

BOOK RECOMMENDATION:

Let me say, this book is amazing. I read it, and it just floored me. I was convicted and encouraged.

The book is called, What Are You Waiting For? by Dannah Gresh. It is so pertinent to people {especially girls} entering the relationship realm (whether you call it "dating", or "courting", or "hanging out"...)

I strongly suggest you read this book.

It's pretty life-altering.

A term I HATE

Now I have grown up in Christian circles.

I've learned much about relationships from various speakers and books. It's definitely a blessing that there are so many resources out there!


But there is one word. One word, that when I encounter it, makes me feel a little queasy.

You know what this word is?

Help-meet. 

*shudder*

It sounds so...strange! The connotations that come with that word are just not right.

If someone were to call me that, I'd feel like a literal piece of raw chicken.
 
A helpful one, I guess.

 I can just imagine this playing out someday:
"Honey, if you are going to insist on calling me your help-meet to friends, how about you just call me Hamburger Helper? It's much more preferable."

I mean, I guess to some people "help-meet" is somehow sweet?

But, if you love that term, good for you! I'm not telling you to change.

It's personal preference.

To me though, as happy as I'll [someday] be to help my [way-in-the-future] husband, I will not be called his "help-meet"

up late? time to blog!

It's the wee hours of the morning and I'm awake.

You know what that means: BLOGGING TIME!

A great many things have been swirling around inside of my head the past few weeks.


I came back to America expecting extreme culture shock.
I was so prepared, I had such high expectations of my own inability to adapt, that well,

...really, pretty much all has been well for me.

For the most part. There have been a few, "WOAH, Americans are strange!" moments, and a few, "I MISS BURUNDI SO STINKING MUCH!" moments sprinkled in there.

But on the whole, the culture shock in both going over and coming back have been pleasant experiences.

So, I praise God for that. I praise Him that he is the one in control of all things (despite my feeble attempts to be the one in charge)

I have this horrible habit of stressing out and overthinking. God has been hammering the lesson of "my child, I am the mighty one who has got this." into my head. Still, if I'm not careful, I go back to my way of thinking that the world rests on me.
Newsflash: IT DOES NOT.
I forget that I can't do any good thing without my Jesus.

I'd be lost without the Holy Spirit's guidance.

It's a daily struggle that needs daily reminder.

Surely God is my help;
    the Lord is the one who sustains me.

-Psalm 54:4

I am a hypocrite

During those lovely years of high school, I took a chemistry course.
I loved it.

It was my absolute favorite class, and I was actually good at it.
I understood the logic of the class and I pulled off an A in Chemistry.

 I decided that I wouldn't mind having a career in the Chem field. It was just that fun to me.

This was in 9th grade, however, and many subjects have happened since. I've even had a gap year of no school! (except for that calculus class...)

But when people would ask what subjects I liked, I always said "Chemistry. Chemistry is my favorite! I could study reactions all day!"

...fast forward 4 years.
I'm supposed to take a placement test for getting into the basic 101 college class. I looked at sample questions and... I'm a little rusty.

So I am sitting here with my old textbook and notes, cramming for the placement exam. I am happily having AHA! moments.

I am feeling more than a little sheepish for declaring to the world so often that I love this subject.

Because now, I'm blanking out.

keeping up the blog?? HA

I have not kept up this blog very well. I have posted PLENTY on my other blog. You know, the AFRICA one.

When I was in Africa, I couldn't get enough of it.

Before I left Burundi, I made a joke of using the adjective "African" before pretty much everything. I was soaking in the most of Africa I could.

I'm pretty sure Whitney (the other volunteer I was with the last month of my stay) thought I was too silly.

Me: "Well, here I am sitting under the african sun, on the african grass, drinking african soda. How about we go to walk on the african path and meet up with our african friends?"


It was silly, I admit. But I do have this sort of deep-down-crazy-unexplainable-love for Africa.

It seems to be the trend nowadays for Christian girls (guys aren't as into this: why?) to go overseas for a few months. I don't know what started this trend.

So, a hint to Christian guys looking for solid girls: go to the short-term mission field. You'll meet so many!
haha, but seriously.

I didn't go because it was the trend.
I didn't go to look good.
I just went to Burundi to grow and broaden my worldview.
I went because I felt like it was God's timing for the trip to happen.
I went in with no idea as to what would happen.
I had expectations, and many were unmet in ways that God used to teach me some big lessons. Some expectations were incredibly exceeded.

I don't feel quite like the same person I was before I left...
Which does sound a little dramatic.

I have only been home for 2 days, so I haven't seen a huge change (as I've been pretty out of it) but I feel that as I interact, my interactions with others will be changed for the better.

the recipe for productivity

You know those times when you read something and you feel like, "That's exactly it! AHA! I needed to read that today." 

Well, that happened this morning in devotions. 

I read the prescription for being an effective Christian, penned by Peter:

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.  For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.  But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.

 2 Peter 1:5-10

Unproductive-ity is something I fear. I like to have something to show for my work. I want to make an impact and difference, but sometimes I feel that I don't even know how to go about it.

Peter's prescription is simple. Here is the recipe of things that need to be added to (don't you think this verse reads like a recipe?):
first, have faith.

• Add goodness. 
• Add knowledge. 
• Add self-control. 
• Add perseverance. 
• Add godliness 
• then comes mutual affection
• finally, love!

 I find it interesting that the man who wrote this was the same guy to whom Christ said, "Get behind me Satan! You have not the things of God in mind, but of man."

What a 180 turn-around Peter had!

It gives hope to see such an example.

"I can do no great things, but small things with great love"

Fretting=evil??

I love Psalm 37. As I read it yesterday, I was struck by the beauty of God's promises.

 Trust in the Lord and do good;
    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.  

 Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this: 

 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
    your vindication like the noonday sun.

  Be still before the Lord
    and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
    when they carry out their wicked schemes. 

Then, a phrase hit me hard: 

 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
    do not fret —it leads only to evil. 

 For those who are evil will be destroyed,
    but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land. 

I have this bad habit of finding things to worry about and allowing molehills to become mountains. I like to have a plan, be "put together", etc, etc. 

I mean, there's no harm in fretting a little bit, right? 

I don't think of it as something leading to evil of all things. 

When I fret, I'm just taking precautions, considering all of the angles, right? 

...WRONG. 

God is working on my fretfulness.  

According to the dictionary: 

To fret: to be constantly or visibly worried or anxious 

Maybe I am not always visibly worried, and maybe not always constantly, but there are usually a zillion little problems that I allow to become issues on my mind. 

Psalm 37 does much to quell worries. 

The writer goes on to say: 

The Lord makes firm the steps
    of the one who delights in him; 

 though he may stumble, he will not fall,
    for the Lord upholds him with his hand.

I was young and now I am old,
    yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
    or their children begging bread. 

 They are always generous and lend freely;
    their children will be a blessing.

What an amazing promise. God does not forsake. He takes care of His own! So really, all of these trivial issues I let build are nothing. When I grasp God's hand and let Him uphold me, the worry melts away. 

It takes courage to release worry, but when you do let go, it brings an incredible feeling of peace and security!

Musings on my future...

Animals!

In case you didn't gather from my last post, I love giraffes. I really really do.

I have always had this deep love of animals -- except for snakes, though that is changing since I now have a pet snake of my own (well, it's a family snake, you know). Okay, and chickens. I don't like those.

I have a story about little me:

when I was young, I was warned about snakes, particularly the poisonous copperhead, which lives in North Carolina. I was about 2 or 3 (I remember this moment very clearly) and my mom told me that she would let me go outside to play (she could see me through the window), but that if I saw a snake, to be sure to let her know by yelling. If I saw a snake, I should stand as still as a statue and not flip out.
I agreed and went out to play.

Well, after I had gone down the slide a few times, I SAW IT.
A snake.
There it was, slithering in the grass in front of me.
I stood stock still.
I screamed. I pointed.
And then, I didn't move.


My mother came rushing out and asked why I was screaming.
I told her I had seen a snake.
She grabbed me and put me on the play structure, high off the ground.
She searched for it.
She looked around, but couldn't find it.
She was close to it. I warned her: "No, no, mommy!! You're almost stepping on it!!"
I was terrified. Then I became even more so because my mom saw it, reached down, and picked it up.
I'm pretty sure I screamed.
She held it out.
It was on her index finger. My mom informed me that the squirming green thing on it would not bite.
It wouldn't even hurt me.

This creature was called an "inchworm"

…oh.

This is proof that I have a flair for the dramatic, a large imagination, and an ingrained fear of snakes. But that fear is changing now. (though I still have a healthy respect for them)

Any other animal though, wow, I love it.

I was absolutely dog-crazy when I was younger.
We had a cat (that I loved), but I desperately wanted a dog. I remember telling my sunday school teacher that I was positive that Heaven was FULL of puppies that all loved me. Heaven didn't need anything else.
I pestered and pestered my parents. I wrote stories about me and dogs. I drew pictures. I even made lists of why I should have a dog.

When my dream of having a pet dog came true, I was SO HAPPY.
But then, sadness, I was very allergic.
When I held my dog, my skin broke out, I would wheeze and cough, my eyes would water and swell, and I couldn't stop sneezing.
My dream was shattered.
I remember crying when I realized that I couldn't cuddle with my dog. We had to give her away to a kind family.

I have a love for animals, and I was reminded of it after I visited the giraffes and the elephants on Thursday.

They are such unique, beautiful creatures, and proof that there is a Creative Maker.

Guess what?
I didn't have an allergic reaction to the giraffe! And it even licked my face!

I think I need a pet giraffe.


I am reconsidering zoology as a major.

I have considered just about every major under the sun, some have been tossed out quickly, others have stuck. If you know me, you know how I've waffled from idea to idea.

The big ones have been Elementary Education, Nutrition, Chemistry, Biology, Nursing, and Pharmacy (Notice a trend?)… and the ones that would be a dream come true might be Acting or Photography, though I don't think those would be worth the $$$$$ of college instruction. If I'm paying for college, I want to gain information that can only be gleaned from higher education…and I've noticed that some of the great actors and photographers are self-taught.

You don't usually find a phenomenal self-taught doctor.

But, happiness, Zoology is a pre-med degree, AND it involves animals (I have had medical school in the back of my mind the past few years) Nutrition is still a strong consideration (and what I'll start to study in the fall), but it's close enough to zoology…

It may sound crazy, but I can sense a connection between me and an animal.
It's like one can communicate in a non-verbal way. I mean, there's body language and I think animals are very good at sensing intent. It sometimes seems that they can read one's mind!

Maybe I watched too many Disney movies with the personification of talking animals, but do remember that they are God's creation and we are called to be caretakers of these creatures.
Hey, Baalam's donkey talked!

Anyways, this was a new breakthrough in figuring out my future.

I spent time yesterday daydreaming about getting to be one of the lucky people to observe, photograph, study, and work with animals, and I was on cloud 9. I seriously could just observe animals and nature all day, boring as that sounds to some.

When I think about Nutrition, I am still excited at some prospects of it. I'd love to help people with food allergies, weight loss/gain, and overall health. I think that many mystery medical problems could be solved if people could become educated in nutrition.

Bodies are delicate machines and food is what fuels us.

Food is important, and it saddens me that people just fill themselves with junk fuel.

 But I have been told by more than one person, "You want to study Nutrition? Oh! Well, that's great. You could work in a nursing home or in a school cafeteria!"
…not exactly my idea of a rocking job.

Is nutrition really just menu-planning?
I pray that it isn't.

 I am interested in the research of foods, studying breakthroughs and benefits of food, and helping people to understand junk food=bad, and adapt menus to their specific food-fuel needs.

…I'm not into figuring out what to pair with the mashed peas for dinner.

Nothing against Nursing Homes or School Cafeterias, of course, since they both play a vital role to society…but it's not quite my cup of tea.

I shall keep praying for my paths to be directed.

"So, what are you doing?"

"What are you doing in Burundi?"
I have been asked this question many times, especially as I've been here in Africa.
It's an innocent question, but the answer is complex. 

The truth is, I don't have really have a "set agenda".
I have been taking each day as it comes.
Which has been amazing.
I've been able to experience so many wonderful things!
Some days I stay home with the little ones who are sick and need attention (there's some sort of bug going around).
Some days I have helped to organize files.
Some days I have written interviews and snapped photos of the Rainbow Centre babies.
Some days I have worked on designing brochures and websites. 
Some days I have helped at Discovery School.
Some days I teach Sunday School.
Some days I run errands and just assist in the day-to-day life of the Johnson family.

 So, when I am asked what I do, and why I'm here, I know I should have a short, easy answer.
But it has caught me off guard a few times.
I've resorted to just saying, "a bit of everything"

I think the most important thing is to focus on my relationship with God and to realize that no matter what I do, I am called to spread the aroma of Christ:  

But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere.  For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life. And who is equal to such a task? 

2 Corinthians 3:14-16

I know that I am not equal to such a task. 

But because I have His spirit in me, He can use me as a tool to bring others to Him. My goal is to serve and point to God, no matter what task I have been given. I know that He will provide exactly what I need, and He knows what I can handle.

I delight in serving Him!