A New Arrival on My Shelf

I've recently acquired, through happenstance, a book, Never Let It End by Ruth Bell Graham. I've enjoyed flipping through the pages and getting a glimpse into her life.

While some will think it mushy, I LOVED this poem, and felt that it was worth re-posting, just for the utter sweetness of its message:

"Dear God, I prayed, all unafraid 

(as we're inclined to do),

I do not need a handsome man

but let him be like You;

I do not need one big and strong

nor yet so very tall,

nor need he be some genius,

or wealthy, Lord, at all;

but let his head be high, dear God, 

and let his eye be clear,

his shoulders straight, what'er his state,

what'er his earthly sphere;

and let his face have character,

a ruggedness of soul,

and let his whole life show, dear God,

a singleness of goal;

then when he comes

(as he will come)

with quiet eyes aglow,

I'll understand that he's the man

I prayed for long ago."

Isn't that sweet? It's SO encouraging to see that God blesses those who wait patiently on Him, whatever the circumstance may be (I'm not looking for my man for a long while yet, just so you know).  He knows and grants the desires of His children's hearts. How marvelous to meditate on.


 "Trust in the LORD and do good;
   dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
 Take delight in the LORD,
   and He will give you the desires of your heart.
  Commit your way to the LORD;
   trust in Him and He will do this:
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
   your vindication like the noonday sun."
-Psalm 37:3-6

Writer's block of sorts

I have been working on a post for a while now, but I can't seem to get it to sound just right. Ah, well, I'm going to come back to it tomorrow. Sometimes all one needs is fresh perspective.
In the meantime, check out this video that is highly relatable to me:

Finding Freedom

I'll start with a happy picture to offset this icy day. A cute little bird sunning himself (it's hi res, so clicking=big) :

Have you ever had a recurring dream?

If you have, you can relate to me.

I have a dream that pops up every so often. When I tell it to others, it's laughable in the circumstance it presents. I'll spare you the details.

However, when I'm going through the dream, it's a nightmare. I think this dream is revealing one of my greatest fears.

My greatest fear is not death.
It isn't pain.

It's not even in the list of top fears:

1. fear of snakes
2. speaking in public 
3. heights 
4. being closed in a small space 
5. spiders and insects 
6. needles and getting shots
7. mice 
8. flying on a plane 
9. dogs
10. darkness
11. crowds
12. going to the doctor 

My nightmares consist of having no free will.
Try as I might to speak my opinion/preference, my voice is cancelled out by louder foes. I have no control, no say. I look on helplessly.

(**Disclaimer** this loss of control hasn't happened in reality, my parents have always listened to me, loved me, and I am given freedom to make decisions.)

This dream of the subconscious speaks volumes about me and the way I tick. 

Herein lies one contradiction of my personality: I'm a push-over/pleaser-type, yet I highly value my independence and freedom of choice. 

I love it when I can do something to serve others, but when it gets into the realm of becoming a doormat, I can't take it. 

You may be thinking, "What about giving up to God?".  

You have a point there. 

This is totally apart from that. In my weak humanity, freedom is what I cling to. Losing it is what I fear. 

In the strength of the Spirit, I choose to serve God, and that makes all of the difference. I trust Him implicitly, and He knows what is best for me. 

He is all that is good, He is perfect. He loves me. I know that I am His totally and irrefutably, because I have chosen to be His. 

The funny thing is that by choosing to give it all to Him, I have chosen freedom for myself. 

He promises that He will set me free. If He has set me free, then I am free indeed.   

This fills me with such hope. Again and again, God promises freedom:


"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love."
Galatians 5:13


 “The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
   because He has anointed me
   to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
   and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
   to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”


~Luke 4:18-19, Jesus speaking. 

once upon a dream

I woke up early this morning, and boy I was dragging.
I went for a run, or I should say I attempted to run. It was good that the roads were empty, because I was terrible. Running under the influence of exhaustion isn't good for anyone's minutes per mile.  I was disappointed. I couldn't figure out why I was doing so poorly until I got home and sat down. My body took over, and I slept hard.

 I didn't realize that I had been depriving my body of SO much sleep. I got a good night's rest last night, but this past weekend has been so great, I put off sleep. I thought my body could handle it and bounce back. Not so.

I often do this when I'm having fun/there's a big event. I push sleep far, far, away. If I close my eyes, I'll miss something.

My poor nervous system.

I love naps. They're wonderful.
Though today, I had realistic, intense dreams. When I awoke, I had a loose concept of reality. It took me a few minutes to figure out fact and fiction.

I did this before Inception came out, just so you know. *wink*


My favorite princess is Sleeping Beauty....at least right now it is. I played her in a skit, so I feel there is a "connection" there.
Sleeping for 100 years sounds nice. Plus, she had wonderful fairy godmothers. I'd love to have a fairy around...

You. Are. Adorable.

My post for today:
I like your boots, are you in a gang?



and the amazing follow-up translation video:

Just so I can keep up

My post for today: I love parties. I've rather messed up my unspoken pledge to blog daily, but I still count this as Saturday, since I have not yet slept.

I'm wiped out from two nights of very little sleep and much fun. Introverts like parties, but they need time to recharge. The parties I've been to (or hosted, I should say) have been fabulous, but I still need to recharge. It's the curse of the introvert. An uncharged introvert is a grumpy, confused, withdrawn introvert. It's a fact of life. How do I recharge? I become a hermit for an hour or two, and then I'm ready to face the world, more or less.

Being an adult won't be so very bad if it's this great all the time.

Today at lunch, I got my sushi fix. Do you know how good raw fish can be?

I also bought red tea. Red tea invokes happy memories for me. It has a sweet, tobacco smell. It reminds me of my days as a girl from the 1840's.
Such simple, sweet, lovely times. No no no, I'm not taking about reincarnation or any weird mumbo-jumbo, but rather, dressing the part and playing the role.
You see, I was a jr. interpreter at a historic site. I positively love history. I'm not sure if it's because of the job I held or if it's just an innate part of my being.

Anyways, I am REALLY wiped out, so I am going to sleep for 6 hours.

I leave you with a picture of a happy day (it's blurry on purpose, so real photographers, please, you know how it is to be anonymous on the interwebs):

new ocurrences

This is almost becoming habitual.
A post every day
...keeps the...
the...
urge to write long letters away?
brain from overloading, they say?
public informed of what is my way?

Ehh, whatever. I feel like posting, so I will. Who knows? maybe this will be one resolution I can keep.

So much has happened since yesterday morning. It sounds silly, but it's true. Just like in the show 24, a lot can happen in 24 hours. (although nothing quite so epic as 24)

To start my list of recent exploits, I'll attempt to redeem myself from the previous post's show of wimpdom by saying that I DID run yesterday. To further prove my ability, my mom and I signed up for a 1/2 marathon in Charlottesville. They call it the "Bad To The Bone" run.

I've got 15 weeks to train, and I apologize in advance for my future posts about running technique, gear, etc.

That was big news for me. I've never run in an "official" race before.




...unless you count running to the fridge for the last klondike bar, or proving that you're faster than your sister by sprinting until you leave her in the dust.


Another event that has happened is the start of Physics 2.
I took Physics 1 last year, and I thought the subject was one of the worst subjects known to man.
Physics 2 is SO MUCH BETTER. I have a different teacher, and he is heads above my former professor.

They might make an Einstein or Newton of me yet. If you know me, you should look skeptical about now...


 AND overnight, I became an old person.


18, people. 18. 

It's a bit of a big age to be. I'm in denial. I'm putting my birthday on hiatus for a day. Saturday is when we celebrate with the family. Weekends are better, anyways.

Though I am older, I feel no different. I still have the same tasks to carry out, one of them being the orthodontist appointment I will be late for if I don't get a move on.

In other news, Alejandro the aloe is growing nicely. Isn't it pretty? It's a hi-res pic, so if you click on it, it gets really big and detailed.

*SIGH* I'm always indecisive about bracket band color...

The Cold SHALL Deter Her

I'm eating crow. Yuck.


After pumping myself up yesterday, I was deterred from my run. There were a few contributing factors:

• Daddy said it was much too cold.
• My brain and body told me it was much too cold. 
• I was sore from running the day before. 

Yes, I'm a wimp. I admit it. 

Last night I did get some activity by giving piggy-back rides and running around with little kids. But that doesn't really count for exercise. 

Though I was disappointed in my lack of perseverance, there was a ray of happiness in my day. 

Lately, I've been feeling grumbly and not ready to face the reality of school, work, and life.

So, we haven't had "real" kids club in about 2 weeks, and I haven't seen most of the kids since then. When I arrived at the pick-up point, I heard the kids shout "There's Miss Makenzie!!!" they rushed and gave me a big hug all at once. At least 10 of them swarmed to show affection. 

It was a happy reunion. 

My heart was so warmed, and I was thankful God had blessed our church with these kiddos. 

Also, I got another drawing to post on my bulletin board! 

I'm becoming like a grandma, I know. 

The little person is Benjamin
So cute that he tried to write my nearly un-spell-able name! 

Okay, I will get some sort of workout in today. I'm not going to obsess about it, but I do want to lead a full and happy life. 

Cold weather shan't deter her

It's 33 degrees out.

I want to run.
I need to run so I can get to my goal.

I bitterly hate the cold. Running in the cold is hard. All that bundling and layering.

I think I'll run anyways.

I can hear those "tough northern people" calling me a wimp. Well, I am a girl, so it's okay. I'm also a southerner, so that's great. stop judging.

If I die, my sisters get all my stuff. (Hey, J! Stop looking at my macbook!)

Maybe I'll envision a lovely summer day to help me mentally prepare for the winter blasts.

I'll use this one memory of me at the beach, in a tree:

Gee, my memory is getting foggy. Come back summer!
How bout this one?

I miss summer dreadfully.

Also, as I'm aging, I'm realizing how I am SO Scotch-Irish. I don't look very "American", and I do have a hard time of speaking with a plain american accent. Especially after I've picked up a few crazy dialects.

I think I was meant to speak with an Irish brogue.
Or maybe it's all in my head.
Whatever.
After I get those running endorphins in me, my foggy-headedness will dissipate.

For Future Reference

Like every other American, I feel the need to have a new year in order to make a resolute goal.
...I'm not living up to this non-conformist thing, am I?

 For my own purposes, (you can compare notes or go away. This will be boring. I'd pick going away.) I list my main objectives for the year:

...after the following moment of serenity

Okay now. Proceed with the listing. 

I will...

1.  have more quiet times. I plan on spending more time with God, and less time on useless games...yes, I'm looking at you Mafia Wars, Farmville, etc. No more! 
2.  increase my physical ability. Granted, I am young, but there is no time like the present to get in great shape. I'd like to be able to run a marathon distance by the end of the year with good time. ("heh, as if." says the cynic within) At least I'll up my stamina.  
3.  hike the Appalachian trail...at some point...I'll do more hiking at least. More time outside, less time indoors. 
4. take more pictures and fine tune my photography skills. 
5. master Physics, and absorb knowledge like a sponge. I will be a good student and I will study hard. Coefficients of friction? No problem! I'll keep telling myself this. A lie, repeated enough, becomes truth.
6. be organized. I have my own form of so-called organization (I'm a discouraged perfectionist, okay? Try to understand), but this year I am going to become better at seriously getting things in order. Really. I'm going to be a better steward of my time/money/life. 
7. count my blessings more often. I will be satisfied with what I've been given.  This is going to be hard. 
8. be an adult. Friday is my birthday, and it makes me sad. My Childhood (yes, it needs capitalization. It was that good) is pretty much over. But that's not really a goal.

I cannot know the future, but if it is God's will, it will be done. All of these "goals" are good, but I give them to God for approval. They certainly are ambitious. Sometimes I shock myself.
 I'm not writing anything SUPER specific, but this is my outline. The list could be longer, I have many improvements to make, but I shall start with this framework and see where it takes me.

 I know I am going to laugh more and blog more.
Also, I'll invest in an air horn:

So long, 2010

Dear 2010,

Wow, what a year you have been. I have gained so much. (Whaat?!??) ...No, I'm not referring to the scale in the bathroom, but instead I refer to the lessons I have acquired.

I've realized that some things in life must be experienced in order to be fully understood.

{Disclaimer: This doesn't count for all lessons (thankfully), but there are a few cases where this holds true.}

For instance, the loss a loved one is hard to understand until you experience it.
It's a tumult of emotion.
It's a paradox of rejoicing for the departed (if they know the Way),  yet mourning at great loss.

It's knowing they are in a better place, and fighting the selfish streak that wants them back on earth.

I never had experienced this until you, 2010, when I was allowed a first-hand look at death.

Something that must be experienced firsthand is God's love and forgiveness. Do you know what a feeling it is? It is euphoric, wonderful, and like nothing else. I feel it daily, and it is good stuff.


I've seen that when the going gets tough, God shows up in a big way. When hard times come, dear friends rally and show they care. My family supports me with love.

God is good, always. He loves me, always.
He has a plan for me and He provides.
Always.


I feel that this year, my spiritual knowledge has increased.
As I learn more, I grow.
As I grow, I slowly mature.

I'm a long way off from spiritual maturity, but I've seen progress, and it makes me glad.

Another big lesson for me: my discomfort with public speaking has decreased dramatically.
The utter fear of leading a big group in song has been removed.
I used to quiver at the thought of speaking to a large group.

 All I can say is that it was God's doing. He's been working on me.
Now I really love getting up and being a goofball on a stage.

I've also seen how much work there is to be done in my life. The greatest room in the world is room for improvement.

In the past year, I've lost most of my personal space bubble as I've worked with sweet kids from nearby apartment complexes (I've blogged about them here and here). Any reserved facade I put up has been decimated by these cuties. They love to get up-close-in-your-face.

I'm glad for it. I'm not a fan of priggish standoffishness.


2010: I've gained friends, continued friendships, completed tasks that seemed insurmountable, seen God work, shared His love, and as a result I've learned countless lessons.

2010, you've been an invaluable year for me. I'm so looking forward to your sucessor.

2011 is filled with hope and great expectation.

Thanks for such a good year 2010.

Sincerely,

Kenzie