Sunday, April 28, 2013

A Perfect Passage to contrast my Power to God's

This passage is PERFECT for what I've been pondering the past few days. 
If my hope is in the Creator, I have his unfailing love. I have deliverance from death.

I can go on, but you should just read the goodness for yourself:
 
Psalm 33
 
The Lord loves righteousness and justice;
    the earth is full of his unfailing love.
By the word of the Lord the heavens were made,
    their starry host by the breath of his mouth.
He gathers the waters of the sea into jars;
    he puts the deep into storehouses.
Let all the earth fear the Lord;
    let all the people of the world revere him.
For he spoke, and it came to be;
    he commanded, and it stood firm.
10 The Lord foils the plans of the nations;
    he thwarts the purposes of the peoples.
11 But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever,
    the purposes of his heart through all generations.
12 Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord,
    the people he chose for his inheritance.
13 From heaven the Lord looks down
    and sees all mankind;
14 from his dwelling place he watches
    all who live on earth—
15 he who forms the hearts of all,
    who considers everything they do.
16 No king is saved by the size of his army;
    no warrior escapes by his great strength.
17 A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
    despite all its great strength it cannot save.
18 But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
    on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
19 to deliver them from death
    and keep them alive in famine.
20 We wait in hope for the Lord;
    he is our help and our shield.
21 In him our hearts rejoice,
    for we trust in his holy name.
22 May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
    even as we put our hope in you.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Power Struggles

Almost a month since my last posting!

If I keep this up, all of my posts will be me apologizing or fussing about how little I post!

 So.

Instead, I'm going to write an update.

This blog, among other things, actually helps to keep me accountable. Something about writing out and processing what I'm going through and what I've learned is incredibly therapeutic.

Well what is new for me?

College.

I have learned some important life lessons through all of this.

This time last year, I was in Burundi (link to my travel blog! Shameless plug). I was totally reliant on God for everything. I was spiritually growing, my faith was strong.

I will say that trip was one of the most joyful times in my life so far.

I knew that where I was was exactly where God wanted me. I saw Him work again and again. When I prayed, He answered. Not only that, but His answer was above and beyond what I could imagine.

I experienced a freedom to serve Him wholly, without reservations.

Coming back to the USA, I've slowly become a slave of society again. I've slowly slipped into a self-reliant mentality...

It's worrisome.

I worry about being politically correct and sensitive.
I worry about trying to be the absolute best I can be.
I worry about making good impressions.
I worry about never saying no to opportunities and being socially active.

I feel that I need to do everything possible to boost my resume, network, and get that GPA up...
I've started to rely on my own power.

I'm borderline type A.

And guess what?

My own power??

It sucks out loud.

It's PUNY. It's ineffective.

In my own power, I stress out about what decisions to make.  I only have so many hours in the day!
I over-commit and try to be a super-woman. I want to please everyone. I inevitably become a doormat.
My health and mental-well being suffers.

In God's power, I know He will open all of the right doors at just the right time. He will provide for every need, and He ALWAYS goes above and beyond in blessing me.

In God's power, figuring out what to commit to is a non-issue. When I trust that He will take care of everything, I have peace and joy and the energy to do what needs to be done.

In my own power, I become easily insecure. I fret about image and appearance. Because of course, I need the approval of others. I want to be wanted and needed, but I fight the feeling that I'm really quite useless.

In God's power, I have approval. I have His unfailing and inexhaustible love. I don't have to seek out approval for my personal image, I'm secure in Him.
He gives me purpose.

It all boils down to my need to have some sort of control or power. I am realizing I can't be the one in control. It's impossible.

When I'm relying on Him, He's in control of the entire situation. There is no possible way that I can be in control of every variable, but He can.

The past few weeks I have increasingly been relying in my own power and I have been seeing how weak it really is. I have been stressed to the max.

Giving the control over to God is the best feeling.

I can't tell you how the stress has melted and how much peace I now feel.

The difference in the effectiveness of my power vs God's is like the difference between using a glowstick and an LED floodlight to light a trail in the darkness.


Friday, April 05, 2013

gray+dreary

Today is gray and dreary.

My curtains were drawn when I woke up; my room was dark.
Before I even opened my eyes, as my alarm was going off, I somehow knew it.

I knew that the weather was going to be of the napping variety. A day filled with warm jackets, steaming cups of tea and wishing I was able to be the slug I inherently am.

These sorts of days are the days that build character.

These are the days when one learns how to be responsible, adult-like, and productive in spite of wanting to curl up with a fluffy blanket and a good novel.

It was terribly tempting to sleep in.
It was terribly tempting to cancel the schedule of life for a while, to ignore the lists of to-dos and things-that-must-be-learned.
It was terribly tempting, but I didn't give in. Here I am at school and about to start the next lecture.

But this lecture will be entertaining.
It's about relationships.  Interpersonal Communications is the title of the course.

That class gets ridiculed frequently, but I find it does have redeeming values.

While I (and most people) intuitively know a few things about interactions with other humans, I like this class because it validates my actions and reminds me that I'm not so very different from everyone else.
...sometimes that is a very good feeling.


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